


A Little Something Extra

by i_buchanan



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Slow Burn, M/M, Model Bucky Barnes, Nonbinary Bucky Barnes, Nonbinary Character, Other, Photographer Steve Rogers, Sex Toys, Sex Work Positive, Sex Worker Bucky Barnes, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, Trans Steve Rogers, does it count as pwp if the porn IS the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:42:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26353618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_buchanan/pseuds/i_buchanan
Summary: Bucky's got this grown up thing down solid. He's got a good 9-5 job, two close friends, a condo that's only slightly cramped, and a healthy love and appreciation for his cat. Bucky also films himself in and on all sorts of sex toys, but has accepted that it would be much easier to do that with a little help from someone elseOr: Bucky has an OnlyFans and can't be counted on to not fall in love with his photographer
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 66
Kudos: 280





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I'm back on my creative bullshit and I'm about halfway through the writing portion. I love concrit and just thrive on attention in general. I hope you enjoy!

Technically speaking, Bucky probably wasn’t supposed to be scrolling through his queue while he was working. 

Scratch that, he _definitely_ wasn’t supposed to be scrolling his queue while he was working. But he was bored, between calls, and he could only pace the length of his office/living room so many times in an eight hour day.

Besides, it’s not like he was using his actual work computer to do it, because that would _definitely_ get him written up and/or fired.

He paused, frowning at the two sets of photographs at the top of his queue. Was the exposure too bright on the rainbow toy between his fingers? But he wanted the cockhead shape of it to be obvious so it didn't look like he was just holding a brightly colored rod or something like that. Maybe he should switch it up and post the lingerie photos first and give himself a little more time to fiddle with the rainbow set.

He stared at them longer than he could defend, long since desensitized to his own nudity and the needy expressions he made while sitting on a thick cock, even if it was silicone.

The incoming call tone made him jolt a little bit, almost slamming his tablet down to turn his full attention to his work monitor.

“Tech support, this is James,” he said automatically, eyes scanning the report that had popped up almost a minute ago while he was focusing on other things. Shit, he _really_ should have been keeping a closer eye on that.

It took almost twenty minutes to sort out that their problem was that their cable box wasn’t plugged into an outlet, and why the hell did customer service forget to ask that?

Then again, maybe they assumed that was a given. Still, no wonder the reset prompts hadn’t fixed the problem when the entire damn thing was offline.

By the time the call was over, Bucky vaguely felt like banging his head against the keyboard and he was more than a little grateful that he was almost done with his shift. Less than an hour to go and he could clean up, decide for sure if he was going to mix up his queue, then get his preview posts set up and messages sent out to his fans. And, god willing, after that he would maybe have enough energy to soak in the bath until his cat started to yell at him for dinner.

Really times like this made Bucky think that his side hustle was more work than his actual job. At least there he had protocols to follow and wasn’t second guessing himself what seemed like constantly.

He actually put away his tablet for the rest of his shift, too worried about missing something again, and time inched along until finally he could pull off his headset and clock himself out until tomorrow.

Every time he seemed to forget how annoying it was to wear the headset until it was coiled up and set aside for the day and he could finally let his hair down. At least it was no longer something he had to deal with for right now.

His back popped a bit as he stretched back in his chair, groaning before tidying up and getting his living room set up like a living room again instead of an office.

Never mind that he’d have to undo it all tomorrow, but something he’d learned early on is that he needed to take time to differentiate between ‘work mode’ and ‘home mode’, and taking time to put his living room back together was now an integral part of his day.

The chairs slid silently over the floor, more cables were curled up and set next to the modem, all while Alpine watched silently from her big, blue cat tree.

“You just gonna sit there, or are you going to help out?” he asked, smiling at her indignant little chirp of an answer.

As much of a pain as Alpine could be, she was still his sweet girl and he’d do anything for her. Including scooping out a little extra food for her since she was so quiet during his shift today.

“All right, ren’s going to do some extra work for a bit if you can be nice and quiet for me a little bit longer,” he said, dropping a kiss to her cheek and chuckling when she halfheartedly swatted at him. No claws out, so he was pretty sure she wasn’t upset with the affection.

Bucky lounged on his couch, laptop booted up as he loaded up his OnlyFans. Here he could get a better idea of how the lighting and such looked, rather than on the smaller screen of his tablet.

It used to be a little weird, looking at so many overtly sexual photos of himself. It used to be weird _taking_ so many overtly sexual photos of himself, but in an exciting, taboo sort of way. The photo taking part was _still_ exciting, but also annoying in the ‘the camera angle isn’t right’ or ‘is everything actually in the shot’ sort of way.

Not for the first time, Bucky wondered if he had it in the budget to hire a photographer. It would make the photos look better, more professional, which meant Bucky could justify charging more for them.

The frugal part of him, however, insisted that what he was producing was good enough. He had good natural lighting, one of those fancy ring light things, and a good tripod. His photos and videos didn't look like cheap, rushed cell phone pictures.

His long nails scratched absently over the wool of the couch as he took in the first image of each set, feeling a little disconnected as he considered them. Sometimes it was like he wasn’t even lookin at pictures of himself, even if it was the same face, same body he saw in the mirror every day.

That face was staring seductively at him through the screen, pierced tongue pressed against the rainbow dildo he’d stuck to the glass wall of the shower that day, while the other picture didn't even _have_ his face visible. Just a long, dark curtain of hair and his manicured nails teasing at the flat front of a baby blue bralette.

The rainbow set was more explicit by a mile. But…

Bucky gritted his teeth, swapping it out for the more tame lingerie set. Even if said set included a cock cage and wrist restraints at one point. It would go up tomorrow night so at least he could stop thinking about it then.

Checking his to-do list on the pink sticky note near his phone, he grimaced at the thought of writing up another post for Instagram and Twitter, but… Well. No one said making porn, even if it was just the solo stuff he did, was easy or fun.

Well. It was fun, at least. Bucky wouldn’t have kept up with it for this long if he wasn’t enjoying himself. It was just hard to remember when he was doing the posting part and not the photographing part.

After having typed up something suitable on his Instagram full of hashtags, a link to his OnlyFans account, and all that good stuff, Bucky finally closed down his laptop for the night, sighing as he leaned his head back against the arm of the sofa. As if Alpine had somehow also had a stressful day, she grumbled a little bit from the other side of the room.

He definitely earned that soak in the tub today, in his opinion.

There was something soothing about the process. Start the tap, put some lavender bath oils in, dry brush his skin… It was meditative. A lot of small, soothing steps that almost always left him feeling more at home in his own skin by the time he pulled the plug.

When he finally, finally, got into bed for the night, hair pinned up in curls and the softest, fluffiest robe he owned tied loosely around his waist, he was almost tempted to turn off his alarm for tomorrow morning. Alpine, for her part, was snoring loudly and curled up next to his thigh.

“What do you think, Al,” he asked softly as he pressed a palm over her tummy. “Think we should hire some help around here?”

Her snoring stuttered into an annoyed little ‘beep’ as she stretched and blinked slowly up at him.

Really, it was more of an answer than he rightfully should have expected.

He snorted, shaking his head as he put his phone down. His next shoot should be easy enough. Just a quick, easy thing in the bath and dressing room for his Insta and then move to the bedroom for the more risque photos. Nothing he hadn’t done before.

* * *

It turned out to be neither quick nor easy.

He cursed as his phone slipped out of his still-dry hand, panic momentarily taking over as he watched it fall in slow motion. Some sort of electronics god must have been watching over him, at least, since instead of clattering into the tub it bounced off the side and landed on the plush pink rug instead.

Outside the bathroom door, Alpine yowled in concern just like she always did when he was in the bathroom with the door shut for too long.

He took a deep breath, dried off his other hand, and tried not to let it get to him.

After two more close calls where he nearly dropped his phone in the bath, Bucky gave up on that and sulked in the hot water for a half hour before getting out to at least try and salvage the rest of his shoot.

But then he couldn’t get the angle right using his right hand to hold his phone, and he still had a hard time taking selfies with his left hand. The screen didn't recognize the tap of his metal fingers, and it was a little difficult to feel the buttons on the side of his phone with the sensors in his fingertips.

All in all, Bucky quit after three or four decent pictures, tears welling up in his eyes as he furiously wiped off his makeup. It wasn’t working. Why couldn’t he get a simple shoot to work out? He’d done all sorts of acrobatic things before to get things to work but…

He took a deep breath. Bad days happened. He knew that. Bucky had lived through multiple recoveries and therapies to know that life and recovery weren’t linear in the slightest. This didn't mean he was failing and should give up.

It did mean, however, that it was probably time to at least try a photographer. Besides, if it didn't work out, he still had a month’s worth of uploads before he _actually_ ran out of content. **  
**


	2. Chapter 2

After a week, Bucky finally took down the ad and contacted a few of the people who had responded. While he wasn’t sure how to describe what it was he had been looking for in the mini portfolios he requested as part of their resume, he recognized it in three different photographers and was quick to set up cursory interviews at a local coffee shop only a few blocks away from his home.

The first interview had gone all right. She was sweet, lovely, but shier than Bucky probably wanted. He wasn’t sure if it would be comfortable for either of them if he were to strip down and have her photograph a wrist-thick toy going up his ass.

Granted, it was a far better option than the pompous fuckboy currently sitting across from him with his infuriating slouch, his plastic looking blond hair, and the way he seemed to look at Bucky like he was a piece of meat.

It was hard to grit his teeth and keep smiling as this guy talked about how he appreciated that Bucky wasn’t some stick thin little waif like the ‘real models’ he’d worked with in the past before he left ‘the industry’.

Never mind that Bucky had asked for amateur photographers since that was more in line with his own experience, not to mention budget, because he was currently stuck on the fact that this jackass unironically called it ‘the industry’.

His smile was forced as he thanked him and said he’d be in touch, even as he mentally struck out his name with so many thick, black lines.

If the next one didn't go well, he might have to go with Shelly or try posting the ad again, and Bucky wasn’t sure if he had the energy to go through this another time before his own work ran out.

Thankfully he had enough time to buy another sugar-laden coffee before his last interview showed up, letting it warm up his right hand and fog up his left.

Now he was stuck wondering if he wasn't thin enough, and that  _ really _ wasn’t something he wanted to be struggling with right now.

“Bucky?”

He perked up a bit, meeting the gaze of a small blond man with a pair of little black studs in his ears and thick rimmed glasses on his nose.

Fuck. Was this Steve Rogers who had the five hundred black and white photographs when Bucky had only asked for three examples?

Jesus he was cute. A little twink of a man who looked like he still could get Bucky to bend over and call him ‘daddy’.

It took several seconds for Bucky to shake himself out of his trance and gesture towards the seat across from him. That was so far from ‘appropriate potential co-worker’ thoughts it wasn’t even funny. “Yeah. You’re Steve?”

There was something  _ genuine _ about the quick flash of teeth as he eased his way into the uncomfortable wire chair, a large black bag getting tucked under the table. “That’s me. Sorry I’m a little late; you know how the subway can be.”

Bucky wrinkled his nose in disdain, well aware that they didn't run like clockwork no matter what the city tried to say. “Trust me, I was born and raised here. I remember doing the whole commuting thing before switching to a home office. I do not miss it in the slightest.”

They were quiet for a beat while Bucky gathered his thoughts. Tried to remember his questions, since this wasn’t him meeting a cute guy at a Starbucks. It was him meeting someone who would potentially take pictures of his feet wrapped around a rainbow dildo.

So, mostly professional but also definitely not professional.

“Can I ask why you applied for this? I mean, aside from money. No offense but you had a bigger portfolio than pretty much anyone else that applied; you might be overqualified.”

There was an obvious blush on Steve’s face as he ducked his head. “Most of it’s from a photography class I took in college. I’m just looking for a side thing where I can actually, y’know, do art.”

All right, that’d explain it. That made Bucky feel marginally better about Steve being in his price range. Granted Bucky wasn’t entirely convinced what he did qualified as art, but that was an issue for later, probably. Once he decided if he wanted to work with Steve.

“So, I gotta ask. This is pretty much entirely portrait work and I’m hoping to work with someone a couple times a month. Do you have availability for that?”

Steve shrugged, leaning back in his seat. Somehow it made him look taller, which made absolutely no sense because he was definitely shorter than Bucky was. Maybe 5’5? “Depends on the hours and how long the shoots last. I work a full time job during the day so it would have to fit around that regardless of how often you wanted to work with me. He paused, nudging his glasses up with his knuckles. “That seems like a lot, though. It might be easier to meet less often but for longer if that’s possible.”

Bucky pursed his lips, considering. That would probably work for some things but not others, and he didn't quite know how to bring up the ‘others’ right now in a public shop. Although he could keep being vague, eventually he’d have to tell Steve that it was pretty much pornography. That talk had been awkward with Shelly and he hadn’t even mentioned it to Jack because he wasn’t going to work with the guy and had decided that within five minutes of meeting him.

It was probably better to just get it out of the way now, much as he didn't want to. “So. I can maybe do that sometimes. But…” He trailed off, shrugging and brushing a few loose waves off his forehead. “I do adult work and I don’t know how good my stamina is to keep it up for extended shoots, if you know what I mean.”

The entire coffee shop seemed to go silent. Or Bucky couldn’t hear it over his own awkwardness, more likely.

He expected a reaction, honestly. Shelly had gone beat red and stuttered through her assurance that she was fine with that.

Steve… He blinked slowly, gaze sweeping up and down Bucky in a way that made him feel warm and flushed himself. Like Steve was appraising him.

And, well, Bucky had gotten into this  _ because _ he liked being appraised and looked at. It sent a thrill through him knowing that people were probably doing it at all hours of the day because it was online and easy to access for a price.

“And you just need a photographer for yourself, right? Because I like to keep a professional relationship with my clients and I like to know everything upfront. So if there's another person or you need a videographer instead…”

‘Professional’. All that word did was dredge up images of Bucky squirming in front of an unruffled Steve who told him to choke a little harder on the toy in his throat, and it was harder than it should have been to banish that line of thought.

“No, no. It’s just me. I… There’s some angles and things that I can’t get on my own is all. Figured if I upped the quality I could justify the prices I charge for it. I do the videos and such with a tripod.

There was something in Steve’s gaze that he couldn’t quite put a name to. Still scrutinizing but… Maybe more curious? He wasn’t sure. Bucky hadn’t known him long enough to be able to get a good read on him.

“And you’re not going to ask me to join you, right? Because, no offense, but I’m not really looking to get into that particular side of the business.”

“None taken,” Bucky said, before he could even decide if he actually should be offended by that. “And, no. I prefer to hook up with people off camera. Means I’m not worrying about my angles or posture or anything like that.”

Steve snorted, covering his mouth. But not before Bucky got a glimpse of the genuine smile curling his mouth again. “Good to know, I think.” He sobered up, straightening in his seat. “All right. I don’t mind photographing that. Work is work, right? For both of us.”

Bucky didn't realize his shoulders were tense until they relaxed back down again. Good. That was one pretty major hurdle out of the way. “Would you mind doing a test session with me before we actually decide anything? If we work well together I wouldn’t mind trying to fit my schedule around yours; I’ve got a day job to work around too. You’ll be paid for it, of course.”

Maybe Bucky was projecting, but he thought there was something a little pleased about the crinkling around Steve’s eyes. “I was going to insist on both, but I’m glad you were the one to bring them up. Makes me feel better about actually getting paid, you know?”

“Oh trust me, I’ve been stiffed more times than I can count. I get it.” Granted, it was different to be stiffed for photographs or other kinds of art instead of finding out someone’s paypal was fake only after Bucky had watched the guy jerk off while begging for him, but the principle was the same.

“Y’know, that doesn’t surprise me. Arts and service industry are the worst for actually getting paid fairly, huh?”

And, ok, maybe Bucky was easily swayed by someone who thought what he did was legitimate enough to deserve payment--which was a low fucking bar--but Bucky really,  _ really _ hoped it worked out with this guy.

Frankly, he just would be happy seeing him again under pretty much any circumstance, so there was that.

They set up a tentative time frame, exchanged numbers, and Bucky could practically feel the warmth radiating off of Steve as they shook hands before parting ways.

And if Bucky had to sit alone in the shop for a few extra minutes to wrap his head around the guy… Well, that was his own business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh thank you everyone for your comments on the first chapter! It really warms my heart and makes me want to write more. Unfortunately we had a power outage last week so I couldn't really get this posted sooner ^^;; Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter, and you're as glad as I am that the set up is now officially over. Next chapter we get to start getting more into that good stuff


	3. Chapter 3

Setting up the test shoot was a little more complicated than Bucky had anticipated. Not impossible or outright irritating, but it took a little more finagling than he would have expected, since Steve had a lot of meetings and such he had forgotten about when they met up.

Getting his living room set up for the shoot was at least par for the course. Alpine was tucked away in the bedroom with food, water, and some crinkly toys to keep her occupied. The living area was cleared of personal items and such, which were few and far between considering how often he took photos out here. Thankfully it still kept its lived-in feeling even without polaroids of his family along the picture rail, with the clashing throw pillows and blankets draped over every mismatched chair.

Of course that meant he was finished and waiting for Steve nearly a half hour before they had agreed to start. It left him sitting on the grey couch, ankles crossed and switching between watching the clock on the wall and the one on his phone.

The sharp tone of the intercom startled him even though he’d been staring at the pink and blue clock near the door for what felt like hours, and he was more relieved than he should have been to hear Steve asking to be buzzed up.

Then he was left waiting impatiently by the door waiting for Steve to knock, which meant he had to force himself to wait three seconds  _ after  _ hearing the gentle rapping before actually opening up to let him inside.

They hadn’t even started and Bucky already felt a little like a frazzled mess, which was unfortunately par for the course whenever he stepped out of his carefully cultivated comfort zone.

It was entirely unfair how good Steve looked, his shirt almost artfully rumpled and conspicuously missing his glasses. Several bags were strapped over his shoulders and across his chest, and Bucky spent maybe a few extra seconds considering the hint of collarbone he could see from the open collar.

“Hey, come in” he said, stepping aside and clutching his robe a little tighter around his neck. Not that it really made much of a difference, though Bucky had been debating if he should have gotten properly dressed pretty much since he woke up a couple hours ago.

On one hand, it would probably be awkward to get undressed if he put on jeans and a shirt. On the other hand, it was awkward to have a stranger come into his apartment when he was wearing a robe, underthings, and nothing else.

The whole situation was probably awkward no matter what Bucky did, and he was pretty much resigned to it.

For his part, Steve didn't even look fazed, and Bucky almost resented that a little. Steve shot him a small, wry smile as he stepped in. “Shoes off or can I keep them on?” he asked, gently setting down his things just inside the door.

As much as Bucky would like to insist it was fine, that Steve could keep his tall, loosely laced boots on while he was in the apartment, the need to not be difficult was outweighed by the fact that Bucky  _ just _ vacuumed the carpets yesterday. “Off, please.”

There was something almost sweet in Steve’s answering smile before he knelt down to start untying. “Y’know, I probably should’ve expected you to be dressed like this. Sorry if I was a little surprised.”

That caught Bucky off guard. Steve  _ had _ been surprised? Either Bucky was worse at reading people than he used to be, or he had been too busy worrying about himself to notice. Neither option was really palatable.

“No, it’s fine.  _ I’m _ sorry if I’m a little awkward; I’ve never…. Done this sort of thing in front of someone else. Much less a stranger who I’m paying to be here, you know?”

Steve stood back up, shrugging as he pushed his hair out of his face. “Are you going to be ok shooting with me? Because if you’re too worried it’s going to show on your face and I don’t think you or your audience will like that very much.”

Bucky could feel himself blushing, embarrassed. He’d been worrying about Steve’s comfort the entire time and now he was just making it all worse and uncomfortable for both of them “I think I’ll be fine once we get started. I’m a little worried, but that isn’t going to change if I shoot with someone else or if we try another time. Call it first date jitters.”

It felt like Steve was scrutinizing him, eyes intensely trained on his face as if he was looking for any sort of lie, and Bucky was acutely aware of his own face in that moment. There was something even more compelling about those bright blue eyes without the glasses in the way.

Whatever he found there seemed to satisfy him, since he nodded. “All right. Tell me what you’re going for, where you want to start, and we can go from there. Just let me know if you change your mind and want to reschedule or something.”

A wave of relief rolled through him. Bucky had a hard time with new people, wanting to make sure they were comfortable even if that meant he wasn’t. The fact that Steve was quick to give Bucky an out was weirdly reassuring.

“I’d rather stay out here for the first shoot, if that’s all right. I’m going for something kind of casual? Like I just wander around the apartment in various stages of undress.”

“Is that the sort of thing you usually do, or are you taking it easy on me since I’m a first-timer?”

Bucky wrinkled his nose, shooting an almost withering look to Steve. “Don’t you know you’re not supposed to bring out the whips and chains until the relationship is well established? C’mon, let me be polite.”

Steve’s snort of laughter was enough to help relax him. “I feel like ‘polite’ and ‘photographing softcore porn’ are usually two separate things, but all right.” As he spoke, Steve started opening the myriad of bags he had brought in with him, setting things aside on the couch and coffee table. “Do you mind? Probably should’ve asked first, huh?”

“No, you should’ve put all your fancy stuff on the floor. It’s fine, really. I’m not fussed over you setting things down on surfaces that are meant to hold stuff.”

Steve looked up just so Bucky could see him roll his eyes, and something soft and light bloomed in his chest. God he was weak. He couldn’t even bring himself to mind that much.

It was interesting to watch Steve set up, if a bit awkward to just be sitting around and doing nothing. It also made him feel like his own equipment wasn’t nearly as impressive as he’d thought it was, watching the lights and flash screens go up around his couch.

“I’ll probably ask you to help me move these around whenever we shoot multiple places in one day just to make it go faster. If you don’t mind,” Steve said as he started adjusting the brightness of his lights. “Something soft you said?”

There was a little bit of relief just in having something potentially to do. “Yeah, on both counts. That’d be fine. Do you want me to grab you anything while you do that?”

Steve shook his head, straightening up so that Bucky could fully appreciate the silhouette of him.

Definitely shorter than Bucky. Probably shorter than his initial guess of 5’5 but that might be because he wasn’t wearing the boots anymore. Slight but definitely masculine, even with the earrings. And there was a steadiness to his hands while he worked with the equipment that Bucky admired maybe a little too closely.

It was fine. No big deal. He could admire and keep it professional. Probably. And of course right then he had to catch the moment when Steve’s tongue flicked out to wet his lips and Bucky’s ‘probably’ was looking a helluva lot more like a ‘hopefully’.

Steve gestured towards the couch. “Mind sitting down so I can do some test shots? I gotta make sure the lighting doesn’t wash you out or anything like that.”

“The amount of blush I have on, nothing should wash me out,” he said with a wry smile. 

Still, he was a little awkward as he perched on the edge of the couch, acutely aware of the hem of his robe that maybe covered half of his thighs when he was sitting down. God, and his bare thighs rubbed together making it impossible to ignore the way his cock was already starting to take interest in the proceedings. Maybe it was a little ridiculous to be self-conscious of that when Steve was going to photograph him in much less clothing before the shoot was over, but it wasn’t like he could rationalize his nerves away.

“That sounds like a challenge, but for both of our sakes I’m going to ignore that.”

The camera clicked loudly, and Bucky wasn’t sure if that was something the camera just  _ did _ or if it was something Steve had done to it.

Steve checked the viewfinder before he nodded in approval. “A good amount of blush, I guess. Let me double check some more angles and then we can get started. You want me to direct you, or would you rather just do your own thing?”

It was a little hard to keep his eyes on Steve as he started taking long, slow steps around the couch. In a weird way it kind of made Bucky feel like he was prey being circled, but in an annoyingly erotic kind of way. “A little bit of both? I know what I want but it’s kinda hard to know what I look like on camera when I’m not looking at myself. So if you need me to lift my chin or move my hands, let me know. Or if you have any ideas, I’d like to hear them too.”

Steve hummed in what he assumed was in agreement, finally pausing at the far end of the couch before checking the photos.

Whatever he saw seemed to meet his approval, since he nodded and held out the camera. “Come take a look and see if you think it looks good for what you’re trying to get, and then we can get started for real.”

Bucky smoothed his robe out as he got up, peering over Steve’s shoulder as he swiped through. While he didn't look  _ good _ , that was pretty much just because he was sitting rigidly and looked a little like a deer in headlights with his hands folded tightly in his lap. Everything else looked fine--better than when Bucky photographed himself in the area. It was easier to see the definition in his curls and the smattering of freckles over the bridge of his nose.

Hell, he could actually see the subtle tweedy texture of his sofa, which he had bought almost solely for that reason. Normally it just looked like a grey couch.

Apparently semi professional photography  _ was _ a big change in quality.

“It’s good, yeah. A lot better than what I can get, that’s for sure.”

There was something a little soft and sweet in Steve’s smile before he gestured towards the couch. “Well yeah, that’s kind of what you pay for. Now get back over there and… I don’t know. Strip down or whatever it is you were thinking of doing.”

“Foreplay, Steve, come on. I can’t just bring out the goods right off the bat.”

Steve made a point of rolling his eyes and clicking his tongue. “You paying me for foreplay too? You must have no financial worries whatsoever, huh?”

“You see this couch?” For emphasis, Bucky sat down and spread his palms over the surface, pausing and adjusting himself when Steve raised the camera. After it clicked loudly, he continued. “This shit’s made of wool. High class stuff for my high class life.”

In all reality it had been on sale since it was the floor model and the fabric was going out of stock but Steve didn't need to know that.

“Of course, Your Highness, apologies for my ignorance.” 

The mockery in his tone had Bucky fighting back a smile. “All right, let’s try to be serious since you’re a professional and all that.”

“Well, if you insist.”

It was mostly quiet after that. Bucky opened his robe more and more, sliding himself into a string of increasingly provocative positions and following the light as well as Steve’s murmured suggestions. Somewhere along the way he’d disrobed and Steve’s voice left him squirming on the couch in a pair of blue panties and nothing else.

“That’s it, just like that,” he said softly when Bucky’s head was hanging off the back of the couch, legs splayed and back arched with the robe puddled and forgotten on the floor.

And--Christ, ok, he was having an increasingly hard time keeping his dick under control. His throat clicked a little when he swallowed, holding that pose even if it made his back ache just a little bit. He wanted… He  _ wanted _ and he couldn’t even try to mask it because he knew naked desire was what people paid to see.

When Steve lowered the camera, Bucky was pretty sure he was about three seconds from imploding. Whether or not Steve could feel it too…

Steve blushed, dropping his gaze and clearing his throat. “All right. Moving on?”

God, Steve probably could feel it too. A little bubble of hope rose up in Bucky’s throat as he tucked his thumbs into the waist of his bright blue panties, tugging them down just enough to be a tease.

Enough to barely see the hardening of his cock in the flesh instead of the outline of the stretched fabric. Enough to see that he’d gotten a close shave just this morning and had nothing but bare, sensitive skin there for the taking.

The way Steve’s eyes flicked down to it, darkening a bit as he raised the camera up again made Bucky pretty sure it wasn’t just him who could feel the sparks, which was a major relief.

He wasn’t used to being vulnerable like this in front of other people. Usually when he was fixed with a look like that, they were in a club or a bar, or Bucky’s bedroom and he knew what he was getting into. This…

This was work for him. This was a stranger he didn't really know and had said multiple times that this was going to be professional.

At least now he could be pretty certain that it wasn’t as professional as Steve had said at first.

“Lift up your left side just a bit… There you go, that’s right.”

“You realize the more you praise me the more it’s going to go to my head, right? There’s a good chance you’re creating a diva here.” Still he held that pose until Steve lowered his camera again.

“Yeah, all right, we’re done for now then,” he decided. “If I’m going to work with you long term, I can’t have you turning into a diva so soon, and it’s really hard not to tell you that you’re doing a good job.”

If anything that just made Bucky blush more, smoothing his panties back into place. Or. Smoothing them out as much as possible with a hard cock in the way. “Well. Guess I have that to look forward to, huh?” He sat up so he could grab the robe and be at least somewhat decent. “So… Going to let me see how you did?”

Steve crossed the small space between them in two smooth steps, leaning over so Bucky could see the viewfinder as he scrolled through.

There was something borderline pathetic about how Bucky leaned into the meager warmth of him like a pining dog without even being consciously aware of it.

Quality aside, Bucky was pretty sure that there was something different about these photos than even the lingerie set he did himself. It felt like Steve had managed to make him look almost ethereal, teasing, like some sort of cupid.

There was a thought for a later shoot, actually. If he could find the time to make wings before November or December.

“I’ll go through and edit these if you want and get them sent to you,” Steve said as he pulled the camera back and turned it off.

“Can I get all of them unedited as well as a few edited ones? I like being able to see all of what I’ve done even if they’re not great.”

Steve smiled warmly at him, setting the camera down on the coffee table practically silently. “That’s fine. If you’d rather I can send them all unedited and you can pick whatever you want me to fix up. I’ll do ten to fifteen for the usual price, but it’ll cost extra if you want more than that.”

“Sounds fair.” His voice came out softer than he meant it too. Hushed, a little breathy, and he was pretty sure he was going to die on the spot if Steve didn't make a move.

Steve didn't answer, didn't move away, and god dammit Bucky was capable of taking initiative himself even if he didn't love doing it.

But just as he started leaning up, hoping to be able to reach Steve without awkwardly having to get up or pull him down, Steve decided now was the time to respond.

“And it’s strictly professional, of course.”

The words sounded barely strained, and Bucky was half convinced he was imagining it. It was probably himself projecting, and Bucky tried to slouch back down without drawing any attention to the fact that he had moved. Shit, the disappointment was probably all over his face, though. He felt a little too raw to mask it properly and he could just hope that Steve wasn’t weird about it. “Right, I remember. Professional, and keep you in the loop with what I’m planning before you get here, right?”

There was still that gentleness to Steve’s mouth, and Bucky wasn’t sure if that was pity or if that was more of him projecting. “Yeah, please. I think it’ll help us both out.”

It was hard to swallow the knot in his throat, easier to nod. “I get it. So just… Send me the images and we’ll go from there? You can pick which ones to edit this time; I want to see how your eye is.”

“The tests never end with you, do they?” There was just enough teasing in his tone that Bucky could let himself be relieved. “All right, that’s fine. Let me know about where and when you post so that I can send you my tagging information and such, all right?”

“That’d be good, thanks. Might also give you a chance to look at my earlier work, maybe see what you’re getting into?”

Steve smiled, straightening up and picking his camera back up. “Yeah, Buck. Just text me all that and your email and I’ll hope to hear from you again soon.”

The fact that it was that easy to get his heart to beat a little faster was all kinds of unfair, and Bucky probably should end this now before he got in over his head. But then again, it was just a crush. He could get over it. “I’m sure you will.”


	4. Chapter 4

They kept in contact regularly after that. Mostly texts, but a few emails went back and forth to set up when and what they would do next time.

And, all right, the crush didn't seem to be going away, but it had also only been a couple of weeks so it was probably just going to be an exercise in patiently waiting it out.

It would be much easier to do that, though, if Steve would stop sending him mixed signals that Bucky couldn’t quite make heads or tails of.

Probably it was just the way Steve  _ was _ and Bucky was reading too much into it. That’s what he had to keep telling himself either way since Steve had said multiple times that nothing was going to happen between them, and he was doing his best to try and ignore it.

That was a lot easier said than done, he was finding.

The photos Steve took and edited were just… It was honestly a little breathtaking and he felt a little weird about being so attracted to photographs of himself, but, well, here he was. Setting them up to be teaser images on Instagram for the most part while trying to figure out how many pictures was  _ too many _ .

At least he wasn’t on shift this time, so that was some progress in his attempts at being an appropriate adult.

Still, there was something more vibrant in just the colors alone. From the pale pink of the robe sliding down his arms to the bright blue panties that he stretched down to show a hint of his dick. All manner of photographs of Bucky looking incredibly soft but also surreally provocative in the same breath.

There was something almost tender in the way Steve framed him that had Bucky’s breath catching in his throat when he appraised them the first time.

He felt more prepared while setting up his space for Steve to come over this time. Granted he was also getting ready to be even more awkward since he was going to be actually naked and sitting on a sex toy for a while.

As much as he liked the quality boost, he got the sense that he was going to miss being able to stop shooting to jerk himself off whenever he wanted to. But it was a small price to pay, as far as he was concerned.

This time when he buzzed Steve up he was both more and less dressed than last time. He was going to try and redo the shoot that had convinced him that he needed another set of hands to do this. So while his makeup was done and his robe was longer, his hair was up in curlers and he was acutely aware of the gold cock cage and small plug in his ass as he walked through his apartment to let Steve in.

It was definitely going to be a long shoot, he could already tell.

The expression on Steve’s face looked warmer than the first time Bucky had invited him inside, shoulders back and just a little slouched. Bucky was pretty sure it was just his crush convincing him that it was unfair how good it made him look.

“Hey, sorry if I kept you waiting,” Steve said as he stepped in, toing off his shoes without needing to be asked.

Bucky could appreciate a guy who remembered the little things like that. He was going to need Steve to do something moderately unsavory if he wanted to get over his feelings quickly.

“You’re fine. Gave me a little extra time to sort out the flyaways and all that.”

For a split second, it looked like Steve was going to reach out and touch the single loose curl framing his face before awkwardly clutching at the strap on his bag instead. “Must’ve been mostly done already if you managed to get it perfected in just a couple of minutes.”

And, ok, he’d forgotten this part. The part where it felt like Steve was holding himself back a bit and made Bucky think that maybe, just maybe there could be something there. So he was going to have to work hard to ignore that and not let it get in his head if he wanted this whole fluttering in his chest to go away.

“My vanity is set up in my room,” he said after a couple seconds too long, not sure what he could or  _ should _ say in response to that.

At least Steve seemed to take that much in stride, not really hesitating in following Bucky back into his bedroom.

Mentally, Bucky winced a little bit at the fact that he’d forgotten to finish cleaning up the kitchen. His collection of dirty coffee mugs was displayed across the counter, and he was grateful that they wouldn’t be out here for too long today.

He took a good amount of pride in how he kept his bedroom. Alpine was currently locked up in the bathroom, to be moved when they went into the tub, but he’d gotten the white fur off his dark plum sheets, and the bright pink stain on his vanity went well with the gold accented organization system he had set up.

Jewelry lined the large mirror on the wall, and while he normally sat on a velvet covered stool when he dolled himself up, the clear Lucite one he’d swapped it out for was better for things like this where he was planning on sitting on various sex toys. It was a hell of a lot easier to clean, at least.

Steve whistled lowly as he set his bag down just inside the door. ”Y’know, I was kidding when I said you were probably rich, but you’re making me think you actually  _ are.” _

Bucky blushed, a little proud and a little embarrassed at the same time. “I mean. I can afford the mortgage on this place, but a lot of it’s just me being good at salvaging and finding good deals. Plus, you know, lucrative side job.”

He settled himself on the chair while Steve started setting up, stifling a moan when the plug shifted inside of him. He’d change it out for something more substantial once they started working on the more scandalous parts of the shoot.

Maybe he was imagining the tips of Steve’s ears turning red at the mostly muffled sound, but it sent a pleased sort of thrill through him all the same. The lights had him squinting a bit as Steve adjusted them, so most likely it was just the heat that had Steve blushing.

The click of Steve’s camera was just as loud as the first time, and now Bucky was fairly certain it was some setting Steve himself had changed for some reason.

At least now it felt less awkward, since Bucky could take some time to make sure everything on the vanity was set up where he wanted it. The clean, fluffy blue and gold brushes set up neatly in their stands while the plain black ones he had  _ actually  _ used today were stored away in a drawer. All his normal products were in a fishing tackle while his blush, highlighter, lipstick and mascara were all lined up along the far edge of the table to be used as props.

The goal was to make it look like he’d been caught putting on makeup while pleasuring himself but not actually having to put on his entire face of makeup, because god knew it took ages when he was doing things like this.

Day to day he could be done in ten minutes, but needing to put on false lashes and making sure his beard shadow was covered was time consuming.

“Is most of this just for pictures?” Steve asked. When Bucky looked over to him, he was scrolling through the viewfinder and pointedly not looking at Bucky.

And…. All right, it wasn’t accusatory or anything. Bucky had said and done nothing to indicate that he  _ wasn’t _ a man, but Bucky could feel his shoulders rising defensively anyways.

He forgot to consider that when imagining himself with Steve. If it was going to be anything more than a fling they’d have to have the ‘I’m not actually a man but I’m also not actually a woman’ talk that had resulted in multiple breakups in Bucky’s life.

“Pretty sure I couldn’t afford to do this daily, if that’s what you’re getting at,” Bucky teased weakly. “And while I could theoretically do this for my day job, I don’t think there’s anyone there worth impressing so that’d be a lot of wasted effort.”

In spite of the fact that it wasn’t  _ really _ an answer, Steve snorted and seemed happy enough to drop it.  _ Bucky _ was more than happy to drop it and to start loosening his robe for Steve to photograph him.

It was easier this time. Maybe because they had both thoroughly discussed what this was going to be like beforehand, but Bucky felt more in his element as he opened his mouth wider than necessary as he applied a very suggestive shade of red lipstick. As his robe ‘slipped’ off his shoulders all while Steve’s camera clicked loudly.

There was a short pause when Bucky had to switch toys, and there was definitely something smug in his grin when Steve audibly gasped at the intricate gold cock cage that was put on display when Bucky bent over to pull the gold plug out of his ass.

The camera shutter clicked away, making Bucky pause and draw out the moment as his cock pulsed against the cage in that enjoyable but painful way he’d learned to love.

He held it at the widest point for a little longer than necessary, enjoying the low, muttered curses from Steve more than the feeling of pleasure-pain-burning.

Stifling his own noises felt almost impossible, but he kept himself as quiet as possible for… God, he didn't know. Propriety maybe, except none of this was actually proper anyways.

“Jesus fuck,” he hissed, unable to bite it back once the plug was actually out. He’d been wearing it so long that the emptiness felt startling.

“Language,” Steve returned quietly.

When Bucky looked over his shoulder to shoot him a disbelieving look, Steve was frozen and beet-red. The mortification was palpable as Steve’s shoulders hunched in and he looked away quickly.

“I have said far worse things for you to be lecturing me on my language.  _ You _ have said far worse things to be lecturing me on my language..”

Steve groaned, burying his face in one of his hands. “Sorry, I’m sorry, it was force of habit. I, um… I teach art in elementary and middle school as a day job.”

There was a beat of silence while Bucky absorbed that before he started laughing, jeweled butt plug still in hand as he almost doubled over his vanity.

“Oh my god  _ shut up _ ,” Steve complained, which really just made Bucky laugh harder.

There was a very real chance Bucky was never going to let him forget that, and he wasn’t sure what it said about him when that didn't make Steve  _ less _ attractive to him. “Should I call you Mr. Rogers too?” he managed to ask, shying away when Steve halfheartedly kicked at his chair.

“I hate you so much right now. I should just walk out on the spot.”

It felt like ages before Bucky could control his giggling, waving at Steve with his free hand. “No, no, stay. I’ll be good sir, promise.”

“I’ll give you something to call me sir over,” Steve muttered. Quiet enough that Bucky wasn’t sure if he misheard or not.

Finally Bucky remembered to put the plug down in its box to be cleaned later, sticking a thick pink and purple toy on the seat instead. Ok, now he needed to focus on being a professional and  _ not _ replay the absolutely mortified look on Steve’s face over and over again.

“Seems like you have a lot of colorful stuff,” Steve noted, raising his camera as Bucky positioned himself over the toy.

“More of a flesh tone person yourself?” Bucky asked, pausing and arching his back for show and only moving again when the camera stopped clicking.

The pulsing of his cock against the cage and the new, wider stretch in his hole was distracting enough that he almost missed Steve’s answer.

“What, are you going to make fun of me for that too? Hold that expression.”

Bucky didn't really know  _ what _ his face was doing but he tried to keep still while Steve edged in to take more photographs.

God, the feeling of being cornered by a predator was stronger now, and Bucky felt distinctly like a deer in headlights, unable to move, unable to hide the quickening of his breath as Steve stalked even closer.

A whimper crawled up his throat, barely muffled in as Bucky tried to distract himself with anything else. “Might call you boring for it, but I get the feeling you’re far from boring when you want to be.” The words were soft, delicate as they fell from his lips, and he couldn’t get a read on Steve’s expression with the camera in the way.

At the same time he was grateful for it, wanting some sort of barrier between Steve and the surge of vulnerability.

It was hard not to feel relieved when Steve only responded with, “Can you mime putting some mascara on for me? Look in the mirror, not at me, and lean over the vanity a bit.”

Relief swelled through him as Bucky quickly followed Steve’s directions, well aware of the toy stretching out his rim. And if Steve was where Bucky thought he was, that was all part of what he had been trying to capture.

Part of him needed Steve to leave so he could bring himself off, but he refused to cut this short after Steve had made teasing remarks about his stamina the first fucking day they met.

His hand trembled a bit as he raised the wand to his eyes, trying not to disturb the false lashes that were heavy on his lids today.

Maybe he couldn’t be embarrassed by his straining cock this time, but the lust-blown eyes and hectic blush creeping down his neck? He couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed and stripped bare for Steve’s camera.

It was almost too quiet for the rest of the vanity shoot. Steve’s voice was hushed as he continued prompting and correcting Bucky, murmuring praise when Bucky spread his legs almost impossibly wide over the chair as he pretended to adjust his lashes. And then again as he fanned a touch more highlighter to his cheekbones, and took the curlers out one by one until his hair was a dark curtain of waves brushing his shoulders.

The thrum of Bucky’s heart was hard enough that he was sure Steve could hear it, but at least he didn't say anything about it even if he could. Just like he blessedly didn't say anything about how red his cock was as it strained against the gold bars of the cage. Obviously wanting even if it couldn’t rise to the occasion like Bucky desperately wanted it to.

“Ok, I think we’re ready to move on,” Steve finally said, prompting Bucky to slump gratefully into his seat, only to wince as his rim tried to stretch over the thickest part of the toy.

“Oh thank god,” he breathed, legs wobbling a bit as he started to get up. Christ, he felt like unset jelly in the best way, and he was grateful that it would probably at least be easier on his body in the bathtub.

“Wearing out on me already, Bucky? I thought you were better than that,” Steve taunted.

Bucky shot him a sharp look as he opened his vanity to grab some makeup remover and cotton pads. “How about you try sitting on an eight inch dick for an hour and we’ll see how you hold up?”

With Steve snickering in the background, Bucky set to wiping off his lipstick as much as he could before arranging his hair into an artfully messy knot on top of his head. He had  _ just _ washed and curled it, and like hell was he going to get it wet again until the very end of the shoot.

Now he was going to see how all those fancy finishing sprays and powders worked like the advertisements promised.

“Wait in here while I shuffle Al around,” Bucky instructed, pulling the robe back around himself.

“Al?” Steve repeated blankly, unmoving as Bucky edged past him and into the bathroom. It was a minor miracle that he could even walk as straight as it was.

“Hey sweet girl,” Bucky cooed, ignoring the soft growl as she settled herself further into the nest of towels Bucky had left for her.

Alpine had been skittish of strangers since he got her. It had taken three weeks for her to warm up to Bucky, and she was still on the fence about Natasha, even if she came over every other week.

“Yeah, I know, I trapped you in here for days and weeks and months.” As he baby-talked at her, Bucky edged in closer until both her and her blanket nest were securely in his arms.

She made her displeasure known by loudly yowling at him and making a halfhearted attempt to wriggle her way to freedom.

Bucky sighed, hauling her into the little pen he’d set up for her in the kitchen. It was a temporary measure until they were set up in the bathroom, but he could tell he’d have to bribe his way back into her good graces with a lot of treats when they were done.

Steve looked just as baffled as when Bucky left when he eased back into the room while continuing to glance towards the kitchen.

“Sorry, I have to shuffle my cat around so she’s not in our way. And I wasn’t sure if you’re allergic or not.”

As if to punctuate Bucky’s point, Alpine chirped from her temporary home in the baby crate he’d gotten specifically for this purpose.

Steve peered around him, still looking mildly perplexed before he turned his attention to his lighting equipment. “How the hell do you have a cat that doesn’t yell at you all the time?”

“Oh, don’t worry, she knows how to make her displeasure well known when the mood strikes her. What do you need me to carry?”

Every time they walked from the bedroom to the bathroom, Alpine made sure to make her displeasure  _ very _ well known, though she’d quiet down whenever they left her line of sight.

“Ok, I take it back,” Steve admitted, having to speak up to be heard over the running water. “Your cat is clearly a noisy fucker just like every other cat I’ve ever met.”

“She’s precious, isn’t she?” He flashed a bright smile over his shoulder, fingers brushing over the rising water level.

On one hand, if Steve wasn’t a cat person, that would squash Bucky’s crush real quick. But it would also make it harder for Bucky to work with him, considering his own mound of yelling fluff.

Steve snorted, still fiddling with the lights, but at least Bucky could see a hint of a smile on his lips. “It sounds like she loves you, at least. Can’t say much more than that since I haven’t met her myself.”

And, all right, Bucky could work with that. It wasn’t overly enthusiastic, but that was probably for the best. “She doesn’t like strangers much so I don’t know if that’s going to be happening anytime soon.”

Finally, the tub was full enough to stop the water, though the heavy silence over the room had him half-regretting it. The tiles in the bathroom echoed back whatever hint of sound there was, making it feel more obvious that neither of them was saying anything.

“Mind getting in? I didn't work with water a lot when I was taking classes so I want to get you as close to the actual pose in the lighting tests as possible.”

Bucky didn't say anything, shrugging off his robe and hanging it on the back of the bathroom door with his remaining towels. Most of them had been spread across the floor around the tub to catch any drips and spills.

Honestly, it was a bit of a relief to not be sitting on a toy anymore at least, even if he was still caged. The hot water throbbed against his loosened hole and he couldn’t stifle a soft groan as he slid into the water, letting it swell up to his chest as he tipped his head back as much as he dared.

“Glad to hear someone’s having a good time,” Steve murmured as the camera clicked away.

Bucky lazily flipped him off, hiding a smile at Steve’s answering snort of laughter.

The rest of the shoot was easier; the water made it less strenuous to hold poses, the warmth kept him loose and relaxed, and Steve’s soft, barely audible praises kept him engaged and wanting.

When Bucky’s fingers and toes started to prune up, he finally admitted he was done. “I think if I sit in lukewarm water any longer, I might cry the rest of my makeup off.”

Steve lowered his camera so Bucky could see him roll his eyes. The smile on his face softened it, however. “Want me to get my stuff out so you can dry off in peace?”

“Please. Al’s in the bedroom so if you need anything from in there I’ll grab it in, like, ten minutes.”

Steve nodded his understanding, leaving Bucky to sink further into the tub for a brief moment before climbing out. God, ok, so his crush wasn’t getting  _ much _ better or more manageable, but maybe it was a sign of how praise-starved he was right now. And touch-starved, but Steve wasn’t feeding into that at least.

It was fine. It would be fine. Bucky winced a bit as he unlocked the cock cage and set it next to the sink to dry before toweling off himself, wrapping his hair up in one of the remaining pale yellow ones and shrugging the robe on for the last time today.

They exchanged a few pleasantries as Steve packed up, once again turning Bucky’s offer of food or something to drink away with a wave and a small smile.

“I’ll get these back to you in a couple weeks?” Steve asked as he shrugged the straps of all his bags over his slim shoulders.

“I’m looking forward to it,” Bucky answered warmly from his perch on the couch Steve hadn’t let him disassemble much--which was probably for the best--so he had largely been chatting with Steve about their timeline and spitballing ideas of what they would do next time.

There was something almost soft in Steve’s face and the way he lingered at the door a little longer than necessary. It made Bucky’s heart flutter a bit and also reminded him of the fact that he’d been trying to get hard for hours now and was no longer constrained by the delicate looking metal cage.

The second Steve left, Bucky’s hand was around his cock and his free hand was braced against the door.

The heat and sparks that had been shooting off for hours finally culminated, no longer stifled by the pain of his cage and he bit back a thick whine, twisting his palm over the wet head of his cock in a way that made his legs tremble even more than they already had been.

Bucky couldn’t even feel guilty about it until after his release was cooling in his palm, copious and sticky as if his entire brain had been wrung out through his cock.

He slumped forward against the door, gasping for breath before sacrificing the towel around his head to clean up the mess. Considering the fact that Steve had been the only thing on his mind while Bucky’s hand was around his cock, it was going to take an incredibly long time to get over this.

* * *

“I see your princess still doesn’t like me much,” Natasha noted as they both watched Alpine growl under her breath before skittering away.

It was honestly a little comical, but Bucky couldn’t help but feel bad anyways. For both of them.

“She’ll get used to you,” Bucky promised, letting Natasha into his apartment.

The smell of coffee was heaven at this obscenely early hour; they had a hard time finding other times to meet up at, so Bucky sucked it up and set his alarm for 5 in the goddamn morning every other Sunday for coffee and maybe breakfast if they could stomach it.

Natasha scoffed, pressing one cup into his hand. “You’ve been saying that for three years now, Barnes. You don’t have to keep telling yourself that because you feel guilty your baby doesn’t like me.”

Bucky pulled a face, wandering over to the couch and curling up against one arm. He waited until Natasha took her customary place mirroring him on the opposite side of the couch before breaking the news.

“I finally took your advice about the photographer thing.”

She arched a perfectly plucked brow, cradling her coffee in both of her hands instead of drinking it. “Do you want me to run background checks on them for you?”

“You could, but I already hired the guy so it’s probably a moot point.”

He had expected the mild disapproval in her mouth, but also knew her well enough to recognize it was at least half for show as well.

“Have you worked with him yet? Because you should probably vet him  _ before _ bringing him into your house, because I know you didn't consider working in a studio as well even though I’ve told you  _ that _ multiple times before as well.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, reaching out with a socked foot to nudge at her knee. “Talia, he gave me a halfhearted lecture on swearing  _ after _ he watched me pull a plug out of my ass. I’m not exactly worried.”

Though, he belatedly realized, Steve had said he wanted to work with Bucky so he could do something artistic. Didn't he get a lot of that kind of thing while literally teaching art to people?

Maybe he was too busy trying to keep the kids under control that he didn't get to do any work himself.

No matter how hard she may have been trying to hide it, Bucky could  _ feel _ her trying to suppress a smile at worst and a laugh at best. “I feel like there’s a story there. Either it turned you on or you think he’s cute enough to get away with it.”

Bucky’s nose scrunched up, though he was momentarily distracted by Alpine’s timid demand for breakfast even though it was three hours early. He knew better than to think Natasha was actually going to drop it, but he figured he could use the pause to change course a little bit if nothing else. No need for her to know about his embarrassing crush on the guy who wasn’t going to let anything happen.

“Want to see the test shots?” he asked after shaking the mostly-full food dish for Al. “They’re probably going to go up when my other pictures run out in a month or two, but I don’t mind giving you a sneak peek.”

“So long as I don’t have to see your dick, yes.”

That was a fairly standard answer since Bucky had started doing this two years ago. Never mind the fact that they’d seen each other nude multiple times over their decades long friendship; there was a difference between changing swimsuits in front of each other in college and… Well. This.

Bucky settled down closer to her this time, waiting until Natasha was perched and peering over his shoulder before opening his phone to the email Steve had sent with the edited shots from their first session. The newest ones were still a week out by Steve’s estimation, which was probably for the best.

“The smileys are cute,” Natasha noted before Bucky could get the actual pictures to load. “Does he  _ also _ think you’re cute, or is that just how he is, do you think?”

“Nat,” he warned, passing the phone to her once the album was pulled up so she could scroll through at her leisure.

She rolled her eyes, burying herself in his phone and giving Bucky a chance to actually enjoy the coffee she had brought him.

“He’s good,” she said after a moment, poking his shoulder with his phone. “Really highlights that cleft chin of yours that you finally grew into.”

“Jesus Nat, you really have to play with my insecurities this early?” he complained halfheartedly as he took his phone back and pocketed it.

Her answering smile had too many teeth to be actually comforting, but Bucky couldn’t do much more than roll his eyes. “So are you and Sam officially a thing yet, or are you still putting off talking to Clint about it?”

Now it was Natasha’s turn to groan, head tipping back against the couch, and Bucky only felt moderately bad about it. Turnabout's fair play, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, can I just say how overwhelmed and happy I am to see that you all like this so much? Honestly, I reread your comments for days. Hopefully this chapter lives up to your expectations as well because I had a hell of a good time writing and editing it.
> 
> Also here's where I should note that I've only worked with a photographer ~5 times in my life? So I'm mostly working with a fantasy here and my minimal personal experience


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky would be lying if he said that he hadn’t been looking forward today more than he normally would. The idea of getting to see Steve again played no minor part in his optimism, but Bucky was pretending to ignore that for now. Instead he chose to focus on the response he was already starting to get just from one set of photographs and the boost he got from the attention.

His first teaser images had gone up last week and his Instagram post had gotten far more attention than usual.

For now, though, Bucky was chalking that up to him tagging Steve Rogers’ account to give credit. He wasn’t sure if it would actually translate to more fans on his other websites but it was still nice to see the likes and comments trickling in by the hundreds.

That said, the shoot he was currently preparing for was not even remotely his favorite, no matter how excited he was to see Steve again.

For the last several months, Bucky had been harboring suspicions that the person always asking (and promising to pay a ridiculous amount of money) for pictures focusing on his left arm was the same person who had designed it. Tony Stark was notorious for being eccentric at best, but it wasn’t something Bucky had ever confronted him about during their numerous meetings.

In the end, it didn't really matter though. If he wanted to shell out even more money to Bucky just to see him finger himself with the piece of tech he created, that was fine. Bucky had stopped feeling guilty about it ages ago and would tuck the extra money away.

He had been a little surprised to find a new paid message from ‘Not Tony’ as Bucky had taken to calling them.

It was… interesting to say the least.

Their short conversation had boiled down to them praising Bucky’s new Insta set, leaving a hefty tip for it, and wondering if it would be possible to get a filmed version of a photoshoot sometime.

Honestly, the tipping for nothing was a big part of why Bucky thought it was Tony. It was hard enough to get tips from most of his fans, but this one always seemed happy to pay exorbitant amounts of money for no reason.

Maybe it really wasn’t Tony and was just someone into findom.

Bucky had played coy while trying to keep their hopes as low as possible and pouting about how his photographer was ‘shy’ for his fan. Steve had said he didn't want to be part of that side of the business, and Bucky didn't really want to push him on that. He’d still ask, though, just so he could say he did with a clear conscience.

The preparation this time was definitely more intensive than usual. To the point where he had taken time on shift to finger himself and get a hefty plug in.

Though, part of the reason for that was because he had scheduled with Steve less than an hour after his shift ended, so that was on him. It still lost him a lot of ‘appropriate adult points’.

By the time he got to clock out, he was vibrating with excitement as he hurried to set his living room back to normal before scrounging up something that looked like dinner while he double checked that his bedroom was in good shape for Steve to see. New sheets, nudging his discarded pajamas under the bed, making sure his practical lube was easy to get to but also easy to hide when needed, making sure the hamper was nearby for when he was done with the sheer glove…

Really, he should have gotten this done before work or while on break, but no one ever said Bucky was great at time management.

It felt like a minor miracle that he got everything done before Steve arrived and even had time to pull the plug out of his ass so he could avoid Steve trying to make him hold it at the widest point for a frankly ridiculous amount of time again.

Sure, it had felt amazing and had been his own fault, but he wasn’t caged this time and was going to need all the advantages he could get today. He didn't want Steve teasing him about his stamina.

“You’re here early this time,” Bucky noted when he let Steve into his apartment.

Alpine was closed off in the bathroom again, but considering that she had a new cat bed on top of the towel nest, he wasn’t too worried about her being fussy until he released her after Steve left.

Steve pulled a face at him, cheeks red from what Bucky assumed was the chill outside today. Sure, it was officially spring but that didn't mean it would be consistently warm for another month or so. “I was late once, and that was by three minutes, thanks.”

That didn't stop Bucky from snickering, letting him in and having them set up in the bedroom.

“So,” he stated awkwardly, laying back on his bed and trying not to care that the bottom of his shirt rode up a bit more than he expected.

Steve’s inquisitive hum was cuter than it had any right to be, especially since it was followed with the click of his camera.

The lights felt warm on his exposed skin and he hoped he wasn’t actually blushing. “I got a message from a fan a couple days ago. They wanted to know if it’d be possible to get a video of one of our shoots together.”

While Steve didn't really pause or hesitate, there was definitely a palpable tension in the room before Steve said anything. The seconds seemed to tick by loudly in spite of there not being an analog clock in this room, and Bucky could feel sweat start to dew up the back of his shoulders.

That was probably just the lights, though.

“I told you that I’m not really looking to be involved in that part of sex work, Buck. And it’s kinda shitty to spring that on me when I’m already here setting up.”

“No, not this time,” Bucky corrected hastily, ducking his head to his chest. “Just sometime in the future when we’ve talked and planned it beforehand. No pressure either way; I just wanted to see if you were open to the idea.” He chewed his lip, belatedly remembering the sheer pink lipstick he had on. He’d have to check it once Steve was done with the lights. “I told them that it probably wouldn’t happen but though I should run it by you anyways. You wouldn’t be in frame and at most they’d just hear your voice. I could also try to edit that out as well but I’m not sure how good my skills are in that department.”

Steve seemed to think about it before finally lowering his camera. There was something… His eyes seemed so clear, and Bucky had a hard time not staring too long.

“I’ll think about it. But I don’t think that’s going to work for me.”

Bucky shrugged, getting up from the bed to check his lipstick. Still more there than not and it wasn’t really noticeable that he had been chewing on his lip. He opted to leave it and pulled his shirt over his head instead, quickly folding it and setting it on top of the dresser. “Like I said, I already told them it was probably going to be a no. Now, are you ready to watch me shove this hand up my ass?” he asked, waving his fingers and letting them clink together.

Whether Steve appreciated the topic change or not, he couldn't quite muffle his snort of laughter even as he rolled his eyes. It was a win either way, and Bucky went on to unfasten his pants as well and shove them off over his hips.

Bucky couldn’t help but notice the silver crescent moons in Steve’s ears today, just as unobtrusive as the studs he wore the last several times they’d met up.

These however, set off a different kind of ‘want’ in his brain. The desire to possess  _ them  _ instead of the man wearing them.

“You sure you can manage that, Buck? Seems like a step up from what I’ve watched you take so far.”

The light hearted taunt made him flush, a pleasurable heat spreading across his face and down the back of his neck. Much better than the warmth of shame that had followed the same stretch of skin earlier.

“Aw, Rogers, give me some credit,” Bucky shot back, folding up his jeans and standing before Steve in floral lace boxer briefs that hid only enough to be a tease. “We’re still in the foreplay part of this relationship. I’m a proper size queen as far as my patrons are concerned.”

Steve clicked his tongue, gesturing to the bed with a dismissive wave of the hand. “I should have known, forgive me.”

The beginning of their shoot was the same as their previous ones. Bucky stripping himself down, listening to Steve’s quiet suggestions and letting the heat spread through his veins when those suggestions turned to praise.

He paused, the chill of his left hand framing the slickness of his asshole as he pinned Steve with the most wanton look he could manage; false lashes fluttering against his cheekbones when he looked away.

The click of his swallowing mimicked the sound of Steve’s camera, and he wasn’t sure which happened first.

“Don’t look like much of a size queen when you’re making a face like that when you’ve got nothing in you,” Steve said lowly, probably just an attempt at teasing.

All it did was get Bucky’s face to warm further as he ducked his head into the blue and yellow duvet cover. “Thanks, I practice it a lot in the mirror.”

“Oh I don’t doubt that.”

It was hard to keep his head from swimming, remembering that even if Steve  _ was _ being genuine, they weren’t going to make any progress while working together. No matter how hard his crush was getting to manage.

Maybe if he could just kiss him once, get it out of his system…

Even Bucky knew that wouldn’t work. Regardless of his work, he tended to fall hard and fast for people, and no amount of benefits would be enough to satisfy his crush if none of it meant anything to Steve. Still, it was hard to not entertain that line of thought.

He was pretty sure Steve would be a gentle kisser, at least the first time.

“Hold on, I need to slick up,” Bucky said after Steve lowered his camera again.

And, fuck, his eyes looked dark even with the copious amounts of lights set up in the room. Steve licked his lips, dropping his gaze. “Yeah. Mind if I get some water while you do that? I’ll just be a minute.”

Ok, so they were both affected. The question was, was Steve interested because of Bucky or just because he was watching someone finger themself and not quite stifle the moans and hushed curses that came along with it? “Get me some too, please? Glasses are in the cupboard to the right of the sink.”

“Yeah, of course,” he said as he was already backing out of the room.

Bucky chanced a quick glance to the front of Steve’s pants and tried not to be disappointed in the flatness to them. No thick line of a hard cock, and Bucky really should be above checking that sort of thing but apparently he wasn’t.

He refocused, slipping the sheer glove over his hand that would help keep the small, delicate plates of his fingers and wrist from pinching any delicate skin while not being too obvious he was wearing it, and set to pouring copious amounts of lube over his palm.

Just when he started to wonder if Steve had somehow gotten lost in the small place, he returned with two glasses in hand. One with little strawberries printed all over it and the other with a Garfield comic poorly decoupaged on it.

“I know for a fact you went looking for that one,” Bucky said, nodding towards the Garfield one as he accepted the strawberry glass gratefully. “I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in the first row.”

Now, at least, Steve looked a little calmer. The tension had left his hands and shoulders and he carried himself with that easy confidence that struck Bucky when they first met. “My only question is, did you make it yourself or was it a well meaning gift from a family member years ago?”

Bucky scrunched up his nose, shaking his head. His sister Becca had  _ not _ meant well when she made and gave it to him for some holiday or another. “Ask me about it later. I am not mentally ready to discuss that while preparing to put a hand up my ass.”

“That doesn’t eliminate either possibility, but all right,” Steve said, taking both glasses and setting them on the dresser behind him.

Bucky rolled his eyes, flipping Steve off.

The click of the camera caught him off guard, but what really made him pause was the smug grin on Steve’s face as he lowered the camera. “C’mon, Buck, get to work. We don’t have all day.”

And that had absolutely no right to get him hot the way it did. Christ he was pretty sure his cock visibly twitched which was all kinds of humiliating. Of course that only served to get him  _ more _ aroused so now he was stuck in a vicious circle that Steve thankfully didn't deign to comment on.

His eyes squeezed shut for a moment, mentally bracing himself. Shoots like these weren’t his favorite. If he was being completely honest, he didn't even  _ like _ them in any way shape or form. But they paid really well and he didn't do them that often.

At least this time he didn't have to watch himself through the viewfinder. He just had to trust Steve to correct him if something was off and follow his instructions.

Sex work was unfortunate like that, sometimes. The pros still outweighed the cons, but a job was a job, and no job was perfect. And if he was being honest, the discomfort of shoving a hand up his ass a few times a year was not even on par with the discomfort of having some stranger yell at him over the phone for things that weren’t his fault every other day.

“Focus on the arm,” Bucky said, partly as a reminder and partly just to fill the silence.

Steve’s answering hum was as good an indicator as any that he couldn’t delay much longer.

It started off the same way most of the arm-centric shoots started off: reopening himself on metal fingers and holding himself stretched open for the camera. Fitting more and more inside of him and occasionally pausing to add more lube.

Four fingers in and Bucky was breathing hard, cock weeping precum onto the covers below him. While he wasn’t necessarily feeling hot in his guts, his body still reacted to being filled up and that was all that mattered.

“Hold on, right there,” Steve murmured.

Bucky swallowed thickly, staying still with his thumb spreading his ass open just a little bit further than was strictly comfortable.

Sure, he played a size queen for his audience. That didn't mean he was one.

“Beautiful, thank you.”

God, ok, the arousal was back coursing through his veins in record time and that was almost embarrassing. “Yeah… Yeah, anytime.”

Blessedly, Steve seemed more or less oblivious, circling behind Bucky while his camera clicked loudly.

Shit, that click was starting to turn him on too. The hell was he going to do if that alone turned into a Pavlovian response? Sure it would be easy to get it up and keep it up on set, but those were about the only positives he could think of.

As much as he’d tried to brush it off like it would be no big deal to slide his entire fist in, it was still as much of a struggle this time as it had been every damn time he’d done it before. He couldn’t bite back the little noises of pain and desire that kept seeping through his clenched teeth, made worse by the constant click of the camera and the way he could  _ feel _ Steve hovering even if his eyes were screwed shut.

“Can you arch a little bit more for me?” Steve asked at the exact fucking moment the ridge of his thumb finally slipped past the tight rim of muscle.

It felt like his lungs were about to give out on him, and if he wasn’t worried about his balance he’d motion for Steve to wait.

Tears stung his eyes as a high pitched keen tore through his throat.

“Buck?”

God, ok, this was better than last time if only because Steve’s voice was bouncing around his head like the goddamn DVD screensaver.

A small eternity seemed to creep by, Bucky barely aware of anything beyond the pulse of his cock and rim, though he could faintly hear that Steve was talking, before finally he felt ready to forward with the shoot.

“Ok. Ok I’m good,” he gasped out, knees shuffling further apart on the bed.

Bucky tried to look back at Steve, but didn't need to look far before he felt deft fingers combing through his hair, tucking it all off to the side. He blinked up, a little dazed, and he was pretty sure he wasn’t imagining the tenderness in the set of Steve’s mouth.

The urge to kiss him was even stronger than usual but Bucky wasn’t convinced he could lean up that far to get even remotely close to him no matter how much he wanted to.

“Sorry, should’ve asked first,” Steve said as he raised his camera and took a careful step back. “Hold that expression for me.”

It was hard, so fucking hard to do that when he wasn’t sure what expression he was making, but if Steve’s murmured ‘just like that’ was anything to go off of, he did it well.

The rest of the shoot was at least easier. Once he was spread out on a fist, he didn't have to worry about opening any wider or getting any softer. All he had to do was whimper and whine for the camera and play it up as much as possible. It was just a matter of tugging at his rim right, or carefully maneuvering himself into a whole series of positions from his knees to his back until Steve finally lowered the camera.

The fact that he didn't cum from the pressure alone was a small miracle.

“I think we’ve got it, Buck.”

When the hell had being called ‘Buck’ become yet another hotline to his dick and how was he supposed to stop it?

“Ok, just… Just give me a minute?” he asked, voice rough and reedy at the same time. It would have been more embarrassing if Steve hadn’t been up close and extremely personal with his ass for the last… however long this had been.

There was warmth in Steve’s eyes as he reached out to squeeze Bucky’s ankle. “Take as long as you want. I can see myself out if you’re not able to walk me to the door.”

As much as he didn't like that idea, Bucky shrugged his right shoulder before working himself back onto his knees. “You really like underestimating me, don’t you? Give me more credit than that.”

“Bucky, I think most people would need a bit of a lie down after that. I was just standing here and  _ I _ feel like I need to lay down for a minute.”

While that was definitely true--and while Bucky definitely tended to plan these shoots for the end of the day  _ because _ it was hard to do much of anything after--he still felt like he at least needed to walk Steve out.

He took his time easing his fist out, wincing a little bit as he had to work his thumb  _ out _ of his hole. “Don’t get me wrong, I won’t move for the rest of the day but I can at least get to the door and back.”

“Anyone told you that you’re a little bit of a showoff?”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh, though it quickly shifted into a moan as he finally got the rest of his hand out. He grimaced at it, pulling off the glove and tossing it in the hamper he’d moved under his bed for this specific purpose. “Stevie. Why the hell do you think I got into this if not to show off?”

Steve’s answering chuckle lit up his already sensitive heart and he was pretty sure his knees went even weaker if that was possible.

He didn't even offer to help take things down this time, both knowing Steve would probably turn him down and also well aware that he was probably going to need to lay in bed as long as possible before standing up.

Of course, now he was overly aware that he was sprawled face first on the bed with a hard wet dick and a loose red hole. And Steve was puttering around, cleaning up as if he was oblivious to that fact, which just had his cock twitching more insistently against the blankets.

Fuck he was going to have to do laundry. Maybe he’d just strip the bed and grab a different set of sheets for tonight.

By the time Steve was actually packed up and Bucky’s legs felt less like jelly, his dick hadn’t gone down any. Whether or not he was grateful that Steve didn't comment on it, he wasn’t sure yet but he just draped a throw blanket around himself as he wobbled to the door with Steve.

“Take it easy, ok?” Steve asked with a surprising amount of seriousness as he lingered. “I’ll get these back to you and… I’ll think about the video thing. We can negotiate that later.”

Bucky didn't have the presence to do much more than nod, and he was sure he said something but couldn’t remember it the second the words passed his lips. Hopefully it was something clever or witty. Or encouraging.

He lasted a little longer this time. Bucky managed to lock the door, let Alpine out of the bathroom and make it back onto his bed before wrapping his hand around his cock, splayed out on his back because god knew he didn't have it in him to do anything fancier than jerk himself off.

The groan felt ragged against his throat, freeing after spending god knew how long biting back almost every sound he could. The heat of his palm wrapped tightly around himself was euphoric in itself and he wasted no time before stroking his cock with a punishing rhythm.

No matter how much he tried to deny it, the only thing on his mind was Steve. What would it feel like if it was his hand instead of Bucky’s? Would he murmur the same saccharine praise or would he be quieter? Filthier?

He pressed his mouth against the cool metal of his left wrist, letting it clink against his teeth as heat spiraled and filled him up. Coursing through every nook and cranny of his body as he clenched his hole around nothing.

The thing that flashed through his mind the second that his orgasm swept over him though, was that smug little grin he could barely see when Steve had talked about how no proper size queen would look so wrecked without something filling them up.

While it was definitely paraphrasing, he could still convince himself to hear those words in Steve’s voice and he was done for.

His gasp was sharp, wet, and it felt so good that it almost hurt. Stinging, oversensitive nerves everywhere.

By the time he finally caught his breath enough to pick himself half-upright, Alpine was already sitting on the floor next to the bed.

Her large blue eyes looked more judgmental than any cat had any right to look.

“Shut up, ok?” he said, in spite of her not making a goddamn sound. It was humiliating to be looked at now, even if it  _ was _ by a cat. “It’s just a crush. It’s fine.”

Her chirp sounded disbelieving, and Bucky couldn’t bring himself to do anything more than collapse back onto the bed and try to ignore the cooling mess on his hand and stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello ^^ As always I'm super overwhelmed and grateful for all of your feedback. Hell, even just seeing the number of hits go up is a boost for me, so know that I appreciate all of you
> 
> We're over the halfway point now, which is weird for me to think about. Sometimes it feels like I just started writing this yesterday, but here we are


	6. Chapter 6

It only took three days for Steve to text Bucky, agreeing to be filmed so long as he wasn’t in the shot itself.

Bucky wasn’t sure what surprised him more: that Steve would do that after so quickly shutting him down at the beginning or that he agreed before Bucky even got the pictures back.

As much as he wanted to, Bucky pointedly didn't tell anyone that it was moving forward. There was always the chance that Steve was going to back out and he didn't want to put any more pressure on either of them.

The days slogged on before their next shoot. The mundane drudgery of his day job really starting to wear him down even if he got to splurge on a few extra presents for himself thanks to that shoot for Not Tony.

Some of that money went as a hefty tip to Steve, even though he tried to give it back multiple times in a game of PayPal tag that lasted three days before Steve finally gave in and accepted the extra couple hundred dollars.

Bucky tried unsuccessfully to convince himself that it wasn’t his magpie brain that insisted on giving shiny things to people in order to show his affection and pointedly didn't mention it to Nat when they complained about work over early morning coffee.

Finally the day of the shoot arrived. Another bedroom setting with lingerie and a series of toys, though this time they were going to do a few feet pictures before they started recording.

At least this time he didn't have to strain his legs and back trying to get pictures of his feet, so that would be nice. The extra money from his fans who were into feet would  _ also _ be nice.

“You sure about this?” Bucky asked, toes curled around a pink and gold toy. The piece of acrylic he’d bought specifically for his toys to suction onto was hopefully blending well enough into the plain royal blue comforter on his bed.

Steve shot him a look, and Bucky was glad at least right now he was clothed from the ass up. “I’m not going to get less nervous about it, but yeah. I’ll mark off the areas that are in the shot and so long as you don’t attach my name to it, we’ll be fine.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, glad he didn't really need to watch his face or most of his posture right now. It was an easy start to their evening. “Relax, it’s only going to be seen by people who pay extra for it. And I have maybe two hundred fans at any given time so you won’t be heard by all that many people.”

Granted, he understood the nerves. Hell, he’d been anxious about even getting photographed by Steve the first time, and that had been just the two of them in a room. And the first time he’d  _ posted _ nudes of himself he’d almost made himself sick with nerves for about a week after.

“We’ll take precautions. I’ll make sure it’s just me on film.”

There was something a little unsure in Steve’s eyes as they flitted up to meet Bucky’s for a split second. “I trust you. I wouldn’t do this if I didn't.”

And, oh fuck, did that simple statement wreak all kinds of havoc on Bucky’s heart. He was absolutely positive it was written all over his face and he was so glad that Steve’s focus was on his feet and the way his toes curled around the silicone cockhead.

“Ok. I’ll set up the camera and you can plot out where the shot ends in all directions?” Bucky asked, flexing his toes to keep them from cramping up.

Steve set down his own camera on the bed, cracking his knuckles and pushing his shirtsleeves up a little more.

Why he insisted on wearing a button down shirt every shoot was beyond Bucky, and all it did was feed into the ‘professionalism’ kink Steve had kickstarted.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. Are you just going to sit around and look pretty while I do that, or are you going to help?”

“I’m going to be setting up everything else, thank you. I won’t make you deal with my toys and all that.” He also was going to quickly take the bright purple polish off his toes to make it look like this wasn’t the same day as the video shoot. He wasn’t worried about his hair or makeup since his face hadn’t been in frame for the first round.

Steve had the decency to blush, ducking his head and muttering his agreement while Bucky snickered.

He got his phone set up on its tripod first, making sure it had a good, wide shot of the bed while also giving Steve plenty of room to work. Already he knew he could zoom in on himself occasionally to keep Steve out of frame if he slipped up a little bit, so he wasn’t overly worried unless Steve got on top of him.

That phrase sent off a whole host of mental images he tried to dismiss, quickly scrubbing the polish off of his toes before moving on to everything else. The acrylic sheet slid under the bed, pink toy was put back in its bag, and the pink sex saddle he’d made himself came out to take its place, all while he tried not to be aware of Steve pacing around his room, mentally mapping out where he could and couldn’t be.

His nerves were high in his throat in the best way, anticipation morphing into arousal easily. “Would you mind being a little more talkative for the camera?” he asked, making sure each toy he would use was lined up in the order he wanted them in, and double checking that they were nearer the edge of the shot. “Play it up a little and set the pace for what you want to happen when? I know I sent you the outline earlier, so you can just go off of that.”

He didn't look up at Steve busying himself with changing out the blanket for his favorite blue and yellow one.

Still, he could hear the hesitance in Steve’s answer. “I can give it a try.”

Bucky shot him a glance, easing past him so he could bundle up the blue comforter in the closet. He’d fold it up properly later, when he didn't have company. “Thanks. I know you weren’t really looking forward to this, but I really appreciate you for it.”

Steve waved dismissively, shoulders hunching up a bit.

It was cute. Steve was cute when he was sheepish, and Buck couldn’t quite bite back his smile.

“All right, I can already feel you gloating. Go start the camera and sit on a dick.”

Bucky snickered, not even bothering to hide that much as he started the recording and stepped into frame. “I’m still wearing clothes so that’s going to be a little difficult.”

Granted, said clothes consisted of a gauzy, sheer-ish shirt and a pair of shorts that barely covered his underwear and weren’t quite appropriate for the weather outside.

Steve rolled his eyes and lifted his camera. “Go strip down, Buck.”

And, oh. His voice had a different resonance right then, the kind that seemed to settle into Bucky’s guts just from listening to it.

He ducked his head, trying to look properly chastised. “Sir yes sir.”

A quick glance told Bucky that Steve was trying not to smile and it was hard to keep a straight face as well. God, ok, he needed to be professional now since it was being filmed and too many cuts would be a bad look.

He peeled his shirt off first, taking a little extra time to stretch his arms over his head and toss it to the side.

“Just like that, sweetheart,” Steve murmured, his camera clicking loudly.

That would probably be a nice effect for the video now that he thought about it. And while he knew that the early praise was almost definitely playing it up for the camera, it still made him blush as if it were real.

He took even more time with his shorts, fingering the buttons of his fly a little longer than necessary, turning his back to Steve as he eased them down his legs and bending over gratuitously.

It was fun, if he was being completely honest. Like teasing a lover, though unlike when he was  _ actually _ seducing people he had to be more aware of his angles and such. Making sure he was well positioned for both Steve’s camera and his own as he climbed onto the bed in nothing but pink and white striped boyshorts that he  _ knew  _ were creeping up his ass.

That was one of the few reasons he didn't tend to wear panties in his day to day life, and absently he realized Steve would have no idea about that. For all he knew, Bucky spent his life with perfectly curled hair, a full face of makeup, panties and nicely manicured nails.

Steve probably thought Bucky was much more put together and fashionable than he was. Also a lot more ‘feminine’ though he didn't mind that nearly as much.

“Give that cock a little kiss for me, Bucky,” Steve said, distracting him from that line of thought.

He tried not to physically shake his head as he dismissed all of that, instead making a show of prowling towards his sex saddle so Steve could get multiple shots of him sucking and kissing the toy currently set up there. And if he played up his own moans and gags for the camera… Well, it still got Steve blushing and that’s all that actually mattered.

So he made a show of it all. Of palming himself through the thin fabric of his panties, smearing his lipstick all over the silicone cock, and choking himself more than he would if this was just a photography session.

“There you go, pet, you were made for that weren’t you?”

Bucky tried to hum his agreement around the toy in his throat, tears welling in his eyes just a bit.

“Hold on, right there.”

He looked up into Steve’s camera, well aware he was starting to look like a well fucked mess and it was so easy to feel like a dumb slut like that. Ass in the air, chest against the cool leather… He absolutely reveled in it.

“Come up, we’re moving on,” Steve said after what felt like an hour of Bucky fellating his toy.

His jaw ached and he longed to crack it to get some relief, though he settled on simply wiping his lips delicately to at least try and look a little more put together.

Steve looked surprisingly in control of himself, barely even flushed as he looked at Bucky from over the camera. “Let me fix you up,” he said softly.

And that--that wasn’t anywhere in Bucky’s outline. But he still got up on slightly wobbly legs over to Steve, mostly sure he was still in his own camera’s line of sight.

There was something soft, careful in the way Steve set to wiping his mouth and chin with a tissue. Dabbing under his eyes where his mascara might have started to run.

“Which color were you wearing?” he asked, much quieter this time. It probably wouldn’t be picked up by Bucky’s mic, and he couldn't help but think that was deliberate.

Bucky smiled, hopefully not looking like a softhearted dope. “It’s the only one on the dresser. You sure? I can do it myself.”

But before he even finished asking, Steve was turned around to look for it.

The moment Steve opened the tube, twisting it up easily, Bucky was pretty sure that his crush wasn’t actually easing up at all.

He didn't know why  _ that _ was what cemented it. But something as simple as leaning forward for Steve to fix up his makeup for him was just…

It made him feel like they would be so good together. Like Bucky could be himself without worrying about Steve’s judgement.

His hands were just as steady as he dragged the pigment over Bucky’s mouth, somehow looking completely at ease with it.

Steve hesitated a little longer than he needed to, the tip pressed firmly against the center of Bucky’s mouth and for a wild second Bucky hoped that this time,  _ this time _ , Steve would kiss him.

He wasn’t at all surprised when Steve motioned towards the bed. “Go have a seat, Bucky. Let me see if you’re actually the size queen you claim to be.”

Bucky’s answering laugh was shaky, a little nervous as he shook his head and took a step back. God, ok, he needed to focus now. Actually get on with his work instead of getting gooey over Steve.

“What, I didn't prove it to you last time?” he asked. And if he swayed his hips a bit more than he normally would, he could tell himself that was just for the camera and not at all for his photographer.

Steve waited until he was actually on the bed to answer. “I think you can do better than that.”

Heat swept through him, easy as anything. As if Steve’s voice was a line right to his cock and that was a thought Bucky entertained a little longer than he probably should have.

The first toy was easy enough. He’d prepped before Steve got there, so all he had to do was bounce a little more than usual for his own camera, getting friction that he normally didn't get while shooting. And while he was definitely showing off a little extra for the video recording, his focus quickly shifted to Steve.

Just as asked, he was playing it up a bit too. Talking more than his usual string of suggestions and compliments and it only took two toy changes for his talk to get absolutely filthy.

“Stretch open, let me see that fuckhole,” Steve said, when Bucky was working to get himself all the way down to the base of a thick, ridged toy.

He bit back a whimper, leaning forward a bit and holding his cheeks so that Steve could get a clear shot of how red and puffy his rim was. “Please,” he whispered nonsensically.

“There you go, pet, get all the way to the bottom for me. I’ll give you something real sweet when we’re done if you can.”

The rational part of Bucky’s mind knew that it was just pretty words. But the rational part hadn’t been in the driver's seat for a long time so it just made him whine and bounce a little harder until he could feel the fake balls against his ass.

“Yeah, you’re a size queen for real, aren’t you? Thought maybe it was just a show for everyone else but that look on your face is all I need to know you mean it.”

“Fuck, please--” he repeated.

“Switch out.”

A complaint got stuck in his throat, glancing over his shoulder at Steve in disbelief. He’d barely gotten onto this one and he already wanted him to change to a different toy?

The dark pink across Steve's cheeks and down his throat took him by surprise. The sheer darkness of his eyes was just--

“Did I stutter?” Steve asked in a tone that brooked no argument.

Bucky swallowed, wetting his lips as he shook his head. There was no exaggerating his deference and the heat that coursed through him.

He moaned as he lifted off the toy, waiting until Steve’s camera was done clicking before setting it on the nightstand and picking up the last toy of the shoot: the thick-as-hell rainbow dildo with more girth at the head than anywhere else.

Honestly, it never ceased to surprise him when it didn't fall over because of its own weight.

The stretch almost burned and had Bucky clinging to the front of his saddle with trembling hands. It was so much harder to take, especially since he’d just barely gotten used to the last toy.

Of course, it felt like he had barely gotten down on this one, hand pressed over his stomach to see if he could  _ feel _ the thickness of the toy inside him before Steve was talking again, telling him to stop, to hold on.

Bucky blinked the wetness from his eyes, trying to see clearly as he looked up at Steve for the first time in what felt like eons even if it had probably only been a couple minutes. “What?” he asked hoarsely.

Steve’s camera was down, gripped loosely in his hands and uncertainty warred on his face for a few seconds before he turned around to put the camera on Bucky’s dresser. “Can I touch you?” he asked, back still to Bucky. His shoulders were tense, and he stayed unmoving like a goddamn statue.

And, ok, Bucky really should stop and think about this. Should try to remember that Steve just wanted this to be professional and had rebuffed many of Bucky’s tentative advances.

He  _ should _ . But all he could manage to say was, “Yeah, please. Please.”

It felt like not even a full second passed before Steve was on him, hands almost cool against Bucky’s overheated skin.

“Jesus, you’re gorgeous,” Steve breathed, palms sweeping down Bucky’s sides. “No idea how I kept my hands off you so long; thought I was going to crack every fucking time I saw you.”

He tried to lean up, to kiss him, but Steve was just barely out of reach and the insistent hand on his hip kept him from getting off the thick toy still buried inside him.

Honestly, even without that Bucky’s legs felt weak enough that he wasn’t sure he would have been able to manage it anyways.

Steve somehow  _ felt _ taller now, hovering over Bucky as he half-kneeled on the bed, looming over and backlit by all the lights.

He looked more like an angel than anyone had any right to, especially when his eyes were so dark, so lust-blown that Bucky got lost in them.

“God, want you…” he managed to whine out.

It should have been embarrassing how quick Bucky was to get worked up, gasping for breath when Steve’s fingers even  _ grazed _ his cock, but in his defense he’d been wanting this for months now. Ever since Steve had murmured ‘there you go, that’s right’ while Bucky had eased his panties down just a touch while lying on his couch.

Sparks spilled down his spine as Bucky resorted to clutching at Steve’s wrist like a lifeline, feeling the tendons flex as he jerked Bucky off with brutal efficiency.

“Oh my god, don’t stop, Stevie, Jesus fucking--” His rambling was cut off by a breathy moan as he settled for pressing his forehead against Steve’s shoulder, uselessly trying to fuck into Steve’s hand.

The friction from the toy had heat pooling in his guts, making him feel cross eyed and dizzy within minutes as his other hand scrabbled against Steve’s arm, his shoulder, his back.

Steve’s hand was hot and dry, a sharp contrast to the dampness of Bucky’s skin and it jangled against his nerves in the best possible way. He wanted to reach out, to touch and grab more, to just get his fucking lips on Steve’s skin but he just--

All too quick he was coming with a muffled whine against gritted teeth, curling in on himself as he shuddered and shook through it. Stars burst behind his eyes, whiting out his vision for what felt like several crucial seconds as Steve eased off with what seemed like practiced precision, until he was just cupping Bucky’s softening length in his palm.

And, fuck, he was still stuffed full of cock but he was positive he couldn’t get up if he tried, sated and practically in space as he still tried to ride the toy and Steve’s hand.

When he looked up at Steve, hazy eyed and still  _ wanting _ , Bucky’s hand dropped from his wrist to his thigh. “Can I…”

Something in Steve’s face shuttered off, easing back and out of Bucky’s reach quicker than he could process. “Sorry, I… I wasn’t thinking. I don’t really… do this sort of thing.”

Disappointment crashed through like a fucking bulldozer, and any lazy heat that remained in his stomach went cold. Shit. Right, he knew that. Hell,  _ Bucky _ didn't even do this kind of thin very often, always falling from the high of a one night stand within hours.

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” Steve tacked on hurriedly. “You’re--Christ--I couldn’t imagine a person I’d want to more than you, but I… Have some issues with that. Getting it up.”

Bucky could feel his answer on the back of his tongue, heavy and thick like cotton that he just couldn’t manage to work forward. He wouldn’t mind, honestly. Hell, he could hold Steve soft in his mouth right now and be overjoyed.

Steve was off his bed before Bucky could do much more than try to swallow the knot in his throat away, grabbing a tissue to clean off his hands before smoothing out his shirt as if he hadn’t been frantically jerking Bucky off not even a minute ago. As if Bucky wasn’t still too shaky to get off the damn toy that was currently making him tear up with oversensitivity.

“Ok,” he managed to get out. “That’s fine, you don’t have to explain or anything--if you don’t want me to, that’s all you gotta say.”

Steve had already retreated back to his camera, turning it over in his hands. For a panic-filled second, Bucky thought he was going to take a picture now, capture the sheer vulnerability of him, before Steve ultimately clicked it off instead.

“You’re a sweetheart, you know that?” he asked, shooting a thin smile at Bucky before turning his attention to the lights to start taking them down as well. “Think we should probably wrap it up for today--didn't mean to make you cut this so short.”

He didn't feel like a sweetheart. He felt clumsy and awkward like a teenager all over again as he watched Steve move around his room.

There was something tense in his gait that Bucky couldn't quite understand, and honestly he was starting to feel so distant from himself that it probably didn't matter.

As much as he thought he couldn’t do it, Bucky managed to get off the saddle, knees still shaky as he stood up to rifle through his closet for the fluffy green robe that was reserved for days he needed more grounding.

Neither of them spoke while Steve disassembled his gear. Bucky’s stomach was in knots as he stopped his phone from recording and plugged it into its charger by the bed. Right. He’d have to change sheets now too.

“I know it’s probably a given, but could you delete that last part from the video?”

Bucky looked up, startled back into himself.

Steve looked embarrassed, cheeks red and shoulders hunched up as he looked anywhere but at Bucky.

It felt a little like Bucky was swallowing down sandpaper. “Yeah, of course. Told you, I don’t like having sex on camera, so… Would’ve done that even if you wanted me to post it.”

There was something pained in the twist of Steve’s brow, the way he curled more in on himself as he shouldered his bags. “Right, yeah, I remember, just… I really am sorry. About all of this. Especially for crossing that boundary.”

And didn't that just make the sting all the worse? Maybe Steve was mostly apologizing for not wanting Bucky to touch him, but it felt like Steve was apologizing or touching  _ him _ even though he’d been begging for it.

“I wanted you to. I mean… Been wanting you to do that for a while now. So just. It’s fine. We’re fine.” The words felt wooden, hollow even if they were at least partly true. He  _ did _ want it. That was the whole problem. Sure, he played it up like he was loose and easy for the camera, but honestly? He had a hard time letting people touch him if he didn't mean it these days.

That didn't seem to make things better, but honestly he hadn’t expected it to. He just felt too raw to even try to make his assurances sound honest.

This time, when Bucky walked him to the door, they didn't say anything about scheduling their next shoot or what they might do for it. Steve just awkwardly touched Bucky’s elbow before turning around and walking away.

Even Bucky’s customary post-shoot bath didn't help him feel any less cold, and he knew he was going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.

By three in the morning, he texted Natasha to ask her to come over when she woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it feels like I haven't updated in ages orz Good news: the base writing of this is finally done so I'm hoping that updates will be pretty regular moving forward
> 
> I love you all, thank you all so much for reading, leaving kudos, and commenting <3 I appreciate you all more than words can express


	7. Chapter 7

“You look like shit.”

Bucky glared halfheartedly at Nat, clutching his coffee a little closer to his chest than usual. He  _ felt _ like shit. The entire night he’d been tossing and turning, the image of Steve dark-eyed and wanting contrasting sharply with the cold, shuttered off look when they’d parted ways last night.

He could barely get any sleep around the ache it left in his chest.

“Thanks, I’ve been avoiding mirrors since I woke up,” he muttered. He wished he had a hair tie around his wrist so he could at least pull his hair back and make it look less like a tousled mess but the thought of getting off the couch made his legs hurt.

On top of everything else, he was also regretting not stretching his legs out last night after Steve left because his thighs and calves were going to be tight and stiff all day now. But, Christ, the thought of going through the motions had absolutely exhausted him, and he’d been barely able to feed himself and all that, much less stretch out the muscles in his legs.

Natasha scrutinized him, and Bucky couldn’t do much more than look at her tiredly, making a point to face her head on. Hiding did no good and it would only make her worry more than she probably already was.

“Well it doesn’t look like you got mauled by a bear so I’m assuming you  _ didn't _ get laid. So either Alpine decided she hates you like she hates the rest of us, or you went on a nice date with someone who has yet to call you back.”

The laughter he had to fight back felt a little more hollow than usual, but at least it didn't feel forced. This was at least a step up from the last time he’d been turned down. Nat had to console him for almost a week, and poor Clint had to side step around him almost every day to get his own dose of Natasha’s affection.

The memory made him grimace a bit, if he was being honest.

“I mostly got laid, actually. Just. Forgot how bad I am at one night stands.” It was true, really. Not the entire truth, but Nat probably didn't want to know that he had gotten jerked off by his photographer mid-session and said photographer had pretty much panicked and bolted afterwards.

Or. She might have wanted to know if it was a more lighthearted story, just so she could tease him about it for months afterwards.

Sometimes Natasha felt like a fourth sister. His actual sisters also loved to tease him until the end of time, and he had the same platonic adoration for Nat that he did for them.

“You remembered longer than last time at least,” Nat said consolingly, nudging her feet into Bucky’s lap. “Did you at least get their number? Maybe it doesn’t have to be just a one night thing and you won’t have to mope for a week.”

“I  _ have _ his number. But… He made it pretty clear it was just a one time thing. Spur of the moment and all that.” Steve had made it clear multiple times, actually. Before Steve had even touched him like that, Bucky had known that it would only be a one time thing if it happened at all.

He’d just forgotten in the heat of the moment. Too strung out and only thinking with his heart and his dick. Wanting Steve to touch him even though he knew Steve was looking for strictly a professional relationship between them.

Natasha clicked her tongue, sliding over a little bit to be more in Bucky’s space. “It’s his loss, then. You’re a smart, pretty thing and if he’s not interested, that’s on him.”

In spite of the fact that he knew that, and also knew it was Nat’s job as best friend/honorary sister to say that, it still made him smile in spite of himself, ducking his head bashfully. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. I’ll be fine in a couple days, promise. Clint won’t have to fight me for head pats and lap space this time.”

“That’s good, because he’s already a little miffed about fighting Sam for affection right now too. Why is it always the needy ones that I get attached to?”

“You’re a mom friend, that’s what you do.” It took several extra seconds longer than it should have to process what Natasha said. “And when were you going to tell me that you brought Sam into your relationship?”

Her grin was sharp, self-satisfied and she started to edge back to her arm of the couch. “Oh, you know. Made it official on Thursday. I figured I could wait a couple days to tell you in person rather than text you about it.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Bucky complained, nudging her knee with his socked foot. A grin spread across his lips anyways, at least temporarily distracted from his own moping. “Come on. You know you have to tell me how it went.”

He let himself settle in as she launched into her story, unfairly animated for this early hour, but found himself at least feeling a little better now than he had since yesterday.

It was the little things, really. And knowing Natasha was able to find happiness with two different people in spite of the odds and years of heartbreak made him feel better about his own chances.

* * *

Editing the film was a little trickier than he had expected it to be. While he still had enough backlog to ignore it for months, the weight of it hanging over him made him cave in under two weeks.

And normally he would have heard from Steve in that time frame, but he was trying to distract himself from the fact that he hadn’t.

Most of why it was rough was that he didn't do video very often. It was too much of an ongoing performance versus what he was used to doing and he found himself scrutinizing every little thing.

And, honestly, it was a lot easier to edit single images versus an ongoing hour long video.

His heart had seized up a little the first time he watched it, when Steve stepped into frame and Bucky opened himself up to whatever he could get. He’d quickly marked the time off, stopping the recording and buried his face in his hands for longer than he could defend.

He knew how it ended. Bucky was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to watch his own expression shatter when Steve walked back out of frame, no matter how much he wanted to keep listening to Steve’s low, rough voice. The thought alone ached like an especially tender bruise, throbbing in his chest like a metronome.

It wasn’t until Alpine pushed her way into the room and plopped down on his feet that Bucky could bring himself to get back to work. A couple deep breaths and a few moments to scratch between her ears, and he finally straightened back up in his chair. He found a decent ‘cutoff’ point for the video and promised himself never to look beyond it again.

Bucky fought to swallow around the ache, to push away the thoughts of ‘what if’ and move on. He didn't want to sit around pining for someone he knew didn't want the same thing Bucky did.

So he tweaked the audio and the light settings a little bit and only broke his promise once, after three days of work.

He heard his desperate pleas for Steve, the abject relief when Steve touched him, and the intensity in Steve’s posture as he hovered over him. As he took Bucky apart with his hands and words and Bucky gave himself over to it, to him.

But the look of pure, abandoned vulnerability on his face when Steve left the frame made him want to curl up in bed and never leave again; the force of it like a fresh wound that had his throat tightening up.

He set up an appointment with his therapist the day after, using Alpine as his touchstone until he felt the worst of it pass. Recovery wasn’t new to him, he reminded himself. He had the tools to get through it so long as he wasn’t too stubborn to ask for them when he needed them.

Normally he would have texted Steve a couple of times by now. If not to check on his editing process, then to try and set up another time to work together again. But the thought of being left on read had him too anxious to even try.

Neither he nor Steve reached out in what felt like months but was really not even three weeks since their ill advised tryst.

And, well, maybe if he posted the video he would at least stop thinking about it, so he set up the promotion to run a few days from then and emailed Steve as a heads-up.

It didn't matter if the pictures weren’t back yet, probably. Spring was fading into summer and he supposed Steve might just be busy with his students or something like that.

Or, more likely, Steve was avoiding him, and there wasn’t much that Bucky could do about that either. He tried to ignore that possibility as much as he could, and halfheartedly hoped that Steve was either just busy, or he was grappling with the same sort of feelings Bucky was.

* * *

The promotion was more successful than he could have imagined.

He’d used stills from the video for the post itself and the response to the paid message to view the actual video got more attention than anything he’d done before.

It probably helped that he’d used phrases like ‘early access’ and ‘never before seen’ since he wasn’t sure when the edited photos would come back. But he didn't think Steve was going to just not do them after all that promise of professionalism.

Granted he’d been the one to break that professionalism spectacularly by wrapping his hand around Bucky’s cock.

Not even three days after he’d sent out the video and his inbox was getting flooded with dozens of people wanting more, of wanting to see Bucky get railed by the mysterious deep-voiced photographer, and there were also a couple of fans who wanted to do videos with him, which Bucky had to pretend to feel sorry about turning down.

It didn't take much convincing to use this as an excuse to contact Steve again, and he only felt marginally embarrassed about it.

The phone rang twice before he answered with a distracted sounding, “Hello?”

He was even more embarrassed that just hearing Steve’s voice after what felt like so long had color rising to his cheeks and made him perk up on his couch.

Beside him, Alpine grumbled her displeasure and reburied herself against his hip.

“Hey Steve, it’s Bucky. Do you have a minute?”

When Steve didn't immediately say anything, he worried that maybe something was wrong. Had Steve immediately hung up on him?

“Buck, sorry, I’ve been a little busy with my day job. Everything ok?”

Was that disappointment in Steve’s voice or was Bucky just anxious and projecting? “Yeah, everything’s fine, I’m not here to hassle or rush you. Just… Thought you might want to know that the video’s doing real well. People like you ordering me around.”

There was a moment of silence before Steve answered and Bucky used Alpine’s rumbling purr to keep himself focused and not drift off into horrible what-ifs. “That’s… Kind of surprising, actually. Good, though. I’m glad you’re doing well with it.”

It was kind of stilted. Awkward. But Bucky was pretty sure a small part of it was because it was a phone call. “Figured I should probably send you a tip since I doubt I’d’ve gotten this much reception if it was just me. Are you going to make me play PayPal tag with you again or are you just going to accept it and say thanks this time?”

“One time, Bucky. I did that one time.”

“You’ve only had the opportunity to do it one time, you mean.” He hesitated, unsure what to even say next. Maybe he should try and set up another day to work together? Or maybe he should just address the elephant in the room to get it out of the way. “So, listen, about last time--”

“I know, sorry about getting the pictures back to you late. I’m a little swamped with end of year stuff but I promise I’ll get them to you by the end of the month at the absolute latest.”

Bucky felt himself deflate like an old balloon. No matter how disappointed he was that Steve shut him down so quickly, he knew better than to try and push it. “Really, there’s no pressure. I still have enough of a cushion to last me until July. I just thought you might want to know that the fans really enjoyed our work together.”

“Ok.” Steve paused, and Bucky was pretty sure he could hear the clicking of a keyboard in the background. “Look, I’ve got to go; deadlines are coming up and I’ve just got a lot going on. We’ll talk later and figure out next time.”

Next time. Ok. Bucky could work with that. “Yeah, take your time. Let me know when you have more availability to work together again.”

When they ultimately hung up, Bucky couldn’t do much more than hope that Steve wasn’t just trying to brush him off all together. He’d say something if he no longer wanted to work with Bucky, wouldn’t he? Steve struck him as someone who was very direct, if nothing else.

Even so, desolation started spreading through him even if he knew it might be a little irrational. He fought to swallow it down, closing his eyes as his head tipped back against the couch.

The warm weight beside him shifted, and he could hear Alpine stretch before she settled herself on Bucky’s lap, purring loudly and insistently.

He huffed a laugh in spite of himself, smoothing a palm over her back and feeling the vibration of her purrs amp up. His girl was so good to him, and at least some of that doubt was replaced with affection for her.

* * *

“You’re still moping.”

Bucky sighed as he glanced up from his coffee to Natasha. There was at least a small improvement with Alpine since she was sitting in the hallway monitoring them instead of hiding back in Bucky’s room, which he’d proudly pointed out to her.

“I haven’t done anything that would even be indicative of moping, Talia,” he complained, holding his coffee under his nose.

And he hadn’t, as far as he knew. His sleeping schedule was back on track, his therapist helped talk him through the worst of his rejection anxiety and now he was just… Maybe a little lonely at worst but that had been the case before Steve anyways. It wasn’t anything new.

Natasha didn't look impressed or even slightly convinced as she gave him a dubious once-over. “Is that not the breakup t-shirt you’re wearing? Because I don’t think I’ve seen it since Jeremy.”

“The breakup t-shirt,” Bucky repeated. He glanced down at his chest. It was a pretty innocuous shirt that had been bright blue when he’d got it, but multiple washes had left the neckline stretched out and the color faded. But it was something he’d had since college and it was comfortable to sleep in so he’d held onto it all these years. “Nat, it’s pajamas.”

“It’s pajamas I’ve only seen you only wear when you’ve been dumped or you’re feeling rejected.”

And, well, ok, the sting of Steve’s continued radio-silence was still there, but that didn't mean she should automatically be aware of it just by some damn t-shirt Bucky had slept in the night before.

That said, he wanted to talk to  _ somebody _ about it. Somebody who wasn’t his therapist, at least.

“I’m thinking I might start taking my own photographs again.”

Natasha blinked slowly, the look on her face clearly saying that she had no idea why he was bringing that up after the breakup t-shirt statement. “Did someone say something about not wanting to date you because someone else was photographing you naked, or?”

Bucky’s nose scrunched up. That  _ was _ a reason he’d been dumped in the past, sort of. He hadn’t liked that Bucky was going to keep selling content even if they were exclusive, no matter how many times Bucky had patiently explained that it was just a job and he wasn’t actually interested in his fans or patrons.

When Natasha had heard about it, it had taken both himself and Clint to keep her from marching over to his apartment and tearing his throat out.

“No, it’s…” He trailed off, regretting that he hadn’t mentioned that he’d halfway hooked up with his photographer earlier. She wasn’t going to be happy about that. “I, um. I let him jerk me off mid-session and he sort of panicked and hasn’t talked to me much since unless it’s to update me on how the editing is going.”

She looked his face over carefully, frowning. If she had wanted to criticize him for it, she at least had the decency to bite her tongue about it now. “Did you want him to, or was it a heat of the moment kind of thing?”

He couldn’t help the appreciation welling up in his chest even if her concern wasn’t actually needed. “Jesus, Nat, of course I wanted to. Been wanting him to do something like that since I met him.” He fiddled with the cardboard wrapped around his cup, picking at it with his nails just so he wouldn’t have to look at her.

He was positive that his heart was plainly written all over his face, and he didn't want Natasha to know just how deep he’d gotten in the few months they’d been working together.

“So the problem is with him and not you. And it sounds like you at least know that much.” She paused, tapping her fingers against the paper coffee cup. “Are you avoiding him too, or are you waiting for him to respond?”

His smile felt a little forced and he knew that she’d be able to tell from a mile away. It wasn’t as disheartening as it should have been. “Waiting. He’s got day job stuff going on right now and he brushed it off when I tried to talk to him about it, so. I’m going to start maybe building up my reserves again with my own pictures just in case.”

She reached out to grasp his ankle, squeezing reassuringly. “Well. You still have a couple months until then. Maybe he’ll get his head out of his ass, and if not… Sounds like you’ve got a plan already.” Her nails bit into the sensitive skin for a brief moment, making Bucky yelp and pull back. “So quit moping about it, ok? I hate seeing you like this.”

“Could you have made the point  _ without _ scratching me?” he complained, gingerly rubbing over the shallow indents. It didn't hurt that bad, honestly, but that didn't mean he had to take it without saying anything to her about it.

Her answering smile was softer this time, and she blessedly changed the subject to something else for the rest of their meeting.

Just talking to her made him feel a little bit lighter, at least. Knowing that she was on his side and having it reinforced that he’d done what he could and there wasn’t anything more he could do to change things made him feel at least marginally more settled.

It still nagged at him. Bucky was pretty sure it would for a while, but at least he was tentatively sure he was through the worst of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the last chapter of moping! I like to think that Bucky would handle the whole thing relatively healthily if only because he's been through worse things and already has a support system in place for when things get especially rough on him
> 
> Also the 'breakup t shirt' is loosely inspired by my 'boyfriend t shirt' which I bought specifically to lend out to whoever I date
> 
> As always thank you for reading, and remember that your kudos and comments give me life <3


	8. Chapter 8

When the pictures finally came back from Steve, there was no accompanying note with them. No little smileys, no ‘hope you’re doing well’, just the attached file. And it really pissed Bucky off enough that he almost deleted the whole thing without looking through the photos, even though he begrudgingly thought better of it.

It had only been a week since Natasha had last come over, handling his nonexistent love life matter of factly and leaving him mildly injured in the process. In that time he’d written another ad for a photographer to post if Steve didn't come around soon, and threw out ‘the breakup shirt’ entirely, loathe as he was to do either of those things.

He didn't call this time. But he  _ did _ reply to Steve’s email to ask if they could at least talk about what happened.

Bucky very specifically said it would be a non-professional meeting, hoping that it would at least get him a definitive answer if Steve wanted to keep working with him or not.

It took two days for Steve to email him back with a tentative timeframe and location.

No matter how much Bucky hated conflict, he hated uncertainty more, and at this point he didn't even care if Steve was done working with him. All Bucky wanted was to know for sure if it was time for him to move on or not.

So he found himself waiting at the same coffee shop they had met in, though the early June weather had Bucky in nearly indecent shorts and a shirt that wasn’t  _ quite _ see through yet.

A few more washes, though, and he was pretty sure his nipples would be stunningly visible, which he was more excited about than maybe he should have been.

It was almost enough to balance out the nerves of waiting for Steve to arrive, iced coffee slowly melting on the table in front of him as he watched pedestrians hustle by on the sidewalk.

The fact that he perked up when Steve came in--looking more frazzled than Bucky had ever seen him--was a very clear sign to himself that even if Steve walked out of his life, Bucky would be pining and moping for a while afterwards.

He tried not to be too disappointed by that realization.

“Bucky, hey,” Steve said as he slid into the seat opposite of Bucky gingerly before even getting coffee of his own.

Maybe he didn't drink coffee, Bucky thought. He hadn’t gotten any during their interview either.

“Steve,” he answered, hoping it came across warmly without betraying the butterflies in his gut. “Can we--Are you going to get anything?”

His nose scrunched up a bit--adorably, Bucky couldn’t help but think--as he shook his head. “If I have caffeine this late in the afternoon I’ll be up pacing all night and my roommate will get pissy with me.”

Bucky hadn’t known Steve had a roommate. Then again, he supposed most people around here couldn’t survive without one. Natasha often joked that she was polyamorous specifically because it was the best way to pay rent.

God knew Bucky would have trouble making ends meet on his own if he didn't have a little bit of family money, a hefty payment for the arm testing,  _ and  _ his OnlyFans money. He’d be stuck in the cycle of renting as well instead of working off a mortgage.

He took a deep breath. Focus. He needed to actually get to the point. “Are you going to bail on me again if I try to bring up our last shoot?” he asked, fiddling with the lid of his coffee.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Steve duck his head, cheeks bright red. “I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t have done that. I told you that I wanted to be professional and… Well. I couldn’t keep to that, so I’m sorry.”

That was… Ok, he had expected an apology. And he appreciated that Steve was apologizing for handling the whole thing poorly instead of touching him, even though he probably meant both.

He took a sip of his drink just to give himself a little time to figure out what to say. “I don’t mind how the shoot went, you know. I mean… I don’t think I’ve been subtle about the fact that I want you to be a little less professional with me. Honestly I’ve had to stop myself from kissing you pretty much every time you’ve been over.”

Steve didn't say anything immediately, shoulders hunched in a little. His pale green button down shirt opening just enough so that Bucky could catch the slightest glimpse of his undershirt.

Honestly, the very idea of wearing a button down made him feel too warm, not to mention an undershirt. The second summer started to come around, Bucky abandoned any unnecessary clothing when he had to be out under the sun.

“I know. I thought I could keep my distance and pretend like you weren’t interested. Shows how good my resolve is, huh?”

That stung a little unnecessarily. Bucky found his cheeks warming up as he ducked his head. He’d known he’d been obvious. That didn't make him feel any less embarrassed to learn that Steve had known pretty much the entire time.

At least he knew Steve had been deliberately rebuffing him. It was better than wondering, even if he hated what he now knew.

“I guess that brings me to my question. Do you want to keep working with me, and if not would you maybe like to go out with me instead? Because you don’t strike me as the type to just… break professionalism like that for no reason.”

It sucked, asking that. But he doubted that Steve would want to go out with him  _ and _ work with him. Especially considering that he had run away and avoided Bucky for weeks after bringing him off.

For his part, Steve looked startled, straightening up and looking at Bucky with wide eyes. “You… I’m sorry, what?”

Bucky shrugged, trying to act casual as he slunk down further into his chair. Though he was pretty sure his shoes clumsily knocking against Steve’s ruined that façade a little. “I’m not really a one-night-stand person. If I want to get intimate with someone, that means I’m pretty much on track to be head over heels for them in short order. Call it my fatal flaw.”

Steve blinked mutely at him for longer than was strictly comfortable, and Bucky was really having a hard time continuing to act nonchalant when he was actively pouring his heart out in the open for the whole shop to hear if they cared to listen. 

Why the hell had he agreed to a public meeting?

Finally, Steve managed to find at least  _ some _ words. “You want to go out with me.”

“Well when you repeat it back so bluntly, it makes me wonder if somehow I wasn’t clear the first time.” Bucky slurped noisily on his straw as if that somehow made a point. It didn't. It just made him wince a little bit when he accidentally sucked a chunk of ice up.

“Smart ass,” Steve muttered, though the hint of a smile on his mouth took away the sting from the insult. “What, just because of my good looks and because you know I think you’re pretty? Because those are pretty low standards.”

In spite of the fact that he was sure Steve was teasing, Bucky had a sneaking suspicion he was at least somewhat trying to deflect from something more serious. So he straightened up a bit and leaned over the table. “You make me laugh. And I feel comfortable around you. And while you’re definitely more than easy on the eyes, I really just like how I feel when I’m around you.”

That seemed to stop Steve dead in his tracks, eyes wide behind his glasses. As if he hadn’t expected that level of sincerity. He blinked, shaking his head and lowering his voice so that Bucky had a hard time hearing him ask, “Even if I can’t… y’know,  _ perform,  _ you'd still want that?”

Bucky snorted, covering his mouth. “Steve, I don’t know if you noticed, but I kind of get a lot of action by myself. And I think I’ve made it clear that you just being there and talking to me is pretty great in terms of getting me there.”

There was  _ something _ warring across Steve’s face before his brows drew together and he leaned over the coffee table. “Maybe we can talk about this somewhere private? I mean… I’d like to go out with you. Really. There’s just… some baggage you should know about first.”

That was all it took for Bucky to perk up, hope tentatively blooming in his chest. “I’m a couple blocks away. We could…”

All that uncertainty and anxiousness was worth it when Steve smiled hesitantly at him. “Yeah. I know, Buck.”

* * *

Alpine yowled when Bucky opened the door and started trotting towards them, though by the time she saw that he had company she skidded to a stop. Her growl was a little high pitched as she scampered back towards Bucky’s room.

It was really hard not to laugh, enamored with her as he always was.

“She does that to my best friend too,” Bucky said as he toed off his sandals and went to the couch. “She’s convinced that Al only likes me.”

Steve was a little slower to follow, and Bucky couldn’t help but be a little overly conscious about his front room. It wasn’t staged today. He hadn’t finished cleaning up after breakfast or lunch. The throw blankets and pillows were scattered and bunched up, and his coffee table had a little bit of work clutter still on it.

It was probably the most honest representation of Bucky and his home that Steve had been allowed to see.

“I lied to you,” Steve blurted out before even sitting down. “Not--at the beginning I said I just wanted to do art. That’s why I wanted to work with you, but that’s not why I applied for it to begin with.”

That wasn’t remotely where he thought this was going. Bucky brushed his nails over the nearest blanket, letting the soft material rasp against them. “If that’s your private baggage, I’m going to be disappointed. I wasn’t straightforward in the job posting either, and you did the same creative lying we all do during job interviews.”

Steve didn't move to sit on the couch, opting to stand between Bucky and the coffee table instead. “No, it’s--ok, it’s related to the baggage. I was… I’ve been saving up for surgery. Been picking up side jobs like this for almost a year now to pay for it.”

Bucky wasn’t even sure what to say about that, confused about where this was all going. In the end he didn't say anything, simply motioning for Steve to continue.

Steve looked almost visibly distressed, a little pale with hunched shoulders. “I wasn’t… I was…” 

He started and stopped multiple sentences and all Bucky could think to do was reach out to take Steve’s hand. Squeezing gently as he gave him time and space to talk instead of interrupting. When the silence stretched longer than five seconds, he finally spoke. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, you know. But I can’t think of anything that would change my mind.”

Steve’s eyes focused on that point of contact, pulling on their joint hands just a bit and examining Bucky’s. It seemed to take full minutes before he spoke again. “I’m a trans man. Been fighting to get my chest done for years now and I’ve pretty much given up on insurance and am getting ready to pay out of pocket for it instead. That’s why I wanted to photograph you at the beginning. And part of why I’ve been so busy the last month. Lots of hoops to jump through on top of the expense.”

Bucky blinked once, twice, half a dozen times, still not letting go of Steve’s hand. That was nowhere near what Bucky had been expecting. Past relationship trauma, maybe? Issues with dating Bucky if he was going to continue to do sex work? Not wanting to be with a ‘man’ as effeminate as Bucky? All things that he had considered. And he wasn’t sure what any of those had to do with surgery, but then he hadn’t been able to think of  _ anything  _ relating to surgery that would be considered baggage anyways.

“Is this the part where I tell you that I’m not a size queen in real life, or is that joke in bad taste?” he found himself asking before he could help himself, nearly slapping his left hand over his mouth as soon as he heard himself. “Sorry, no, shouldn’t have said that. Just. That’s all fine to me.”

He was sure that Steve’s surprised laughter  _ wasn’t  _ because he thought Bucky was funny. Most likely it was shocked out of him and Bucky had a hard time not pulling away to bury his face in his hands.

And, ok, sure, he was reeling a little bit from the new information. Which was embarrassing since  _ he _ considered himself to be under the trans umbrella.

“I should’ve known you’d be a brat about it,” Steve pretended to complain. He squeezed Bucky’s hand once more before easing himself out of his grip. “But… You’re ok with me? I mean, you’re still interested and all that?”

Bucky’s heart broke a little bit, but he couldn’t say he was surprised. After all, the exact same thing had happened to him more times than he could count. 

And honestly, he still wasn’t sure how Steve would react to  _ him _ either. Sure, they were both trans, but he’d learned the hard way that binary trans people didn't always think nonbinary people were nonbinary.

He shrugged, a little self conscious himself as he folded his hands in his lap. The chipped polish on his right hand made him feel exposed. “I guess while we’re airing out baggage I should probably tell you that I’m… kind of in the same boat as you. I mean, I like my body as it is and have no plans to further modify it, but the whole ‘being a man’ thing isn’t really for me. The whole ‘being a woman’ thing isn’t really for me either, though.”

Steve too paused, but at least didn't seem to be obviously scrutinizing anything aside from Bucky’s face. No glancing down to check his clothes or anything like that.

Then again, Steve only seemed to know Bucky in his more feminine mode, outside of the two times they had met at the coffee shop. Though maybe Steve assumed that was just for his viewers, so. Who knew what Steve thought of him.

“Is this the part where I commend you for upholding the tradition of trans people giving themselves unconventional names or is that in bad taste?”

The tension seemed to break, unlike with Bucky’s questionable joke. He found himself laughing in spite of himself, shaking his head. “I’ll have you know that my siblings started calling me Bucky by the time I was seven so you can take it up with them.”

Steve grinned, eyes crinkling at the corners as he eased himself onto the couch next to Bucky. “I let my mom choose my name. Or, she enthusiastically started sending me different names for six months after I told her.”

“Wow, if I didn't know better I would actually say you were a good wholesome man, but you have spent too much time up my ass for me to think that.” He hesitated for a moment before reaching out to put his palm on Steve’s knee. Smoothing his thumb along the inside seam of his worn out jeans. “But it’s ok? I mean… You’d still let me take you on a date sometime?”

There was something soft, warm in Steve’s face, in the gentle part of his lips. “Yeah, Buck. I’d like that a lot. But I think I might owe you a little something first.”

His brow furrowed in confusion, but before he could even start to ask what the hell Steve might owe him, Steve was already starting to lean into his space.

Bucky didn't even think twice before meeting him halfway, hand still curled over Steve’s thigh as Steve reached up to cradle his jaw.

He had been right. Steve was gentle when he kissed; soft mouth and plush lips that slid and coaxed over Bucky’s.

It was everything he’d wanted. More than the frantic handjob from weeks ago,  _ this _ … He sighed softly, curling himself into Steve as much as he could.

* * *

The butterflies in Bucky’s stomach felt a little ridiculous. The constant fluttering as he finished getting himself ready for his first official date with Steve was exciting, but he also wished they would go away.

He’d meticulously taken a lint roller to his slacks, knowing the dark fabric would show every bit of cat hair and not for the first time wondered why he even bothered owning dark clothes to begin with.

The buzzer went off three minutes late, and Bucky couldn’t help but jump up to let Steve in the building before not so patiently waiting for him to come to the door.

To say Steve looked unfairly gorgeous would be an understatement. Small silver hoops adorned his ears, and his dark slate button down was open enough at the top for Bucky to admire the graceful swoop of his collar.

He smiled, bouncing up on his toes to kiss Bucky’s cheek. “Hey gorgeous. Ready?”

It felt a little silly to be grinning so widely so early, sliding his palm into Steve’s. “Sweetheart, I’ve been ready for months now.”

The fact that Steve just rolled his eyes and shoulder-checked Bucky before gently tugging him out the door made his heart pound a little harder. “Knew you’d be the sentimental type the moment you got flustered over some light praise,” he muttered.

Bucky’s laughter was buoyant as he stopped just long enough to lock the door behind him before following Steve wherever he’d take him. Now he didn't need to worry about hiding his heart away from Steve. It made him feel so much lighter than before and he couldn’t help but think that he’d follow after Steve anywhere.

That thought, maybe, he should keep to himself a little while longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in the delay in getting this posted. I don't actually have an excuse for it orz Anyways, I hope their reunion lived up to your hopes and dreams, and I'll be posting the epilogue in a few days <3 Thank you as always for reading, your comments and kudos have been getting me through the 2020 hellscape


	9. Chapter 9

_ Two years later _

-

“Babe, you’re going to be late,” Bucky called from the living room, a mug of coffee cradled in his palms as he tried to work up the energy to set up his office for the day.

Steve’s camera clicked loudly and Bucky couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Albeit, that didn't take away from the fond smile tugging at his lips.

It had taken six months of living together for Alpine to actually allow Steve into her space. And six months after  _ that _ Steve was setting up an Instagram for her and taking almost as many pictures of her as he did of Bucky.

The photo sessions between Steve and himself were a lot more fun now that Steve wasn’t holding himself back; and when he promised Bucky a reward for doing well during a shoot, Bucky knew he meant it.

“Babe,” Bucky prompted again, leaning his head back over the couch so he could actually look at his boyfriend.

The fact that Steve  _ still _ wore button downs when he went to his day job was still driving Bucky wild in the best way, made better/worse by the fact that before he left their place, Steve had two or three of the top buttons undone, showing a scandalous amount of his now flat chest as well as the graceful swoop of his collarbones.

He peered up from his camera, smiling sweetly at Bucky before turning the camera to photograph him instead. “It’s fine, Buck, I won't be late.”

“Uh-huh,” Bucky muttered, unconvinced. Still, he slid back down onto the couch, keeping an eye on the clock for himself. He had an hour before he clocked in and he could get set up in five minutes if he needed to. Steve on the other hand still had to make the commute to school for the first day of the year.

There was something so soft, so warm when Steve hauled himself on the back of the couch so he could press a kiss to Bucky’s temple. It had nothing to do with the late-August sun that was already starting to filter through the windows, turning Steve gold and bright.

“Still shooting tonight?” Steve asked, sweeping Bucky’s hair back over his shoulder so that he could kiss Bucky’s cheek as well.

God he was so affectionate. Bucky absolutely preened under it.

“Yeah. I gotta start getting the holiday stuff done, you know?”

“You’re worse than the stores, you know that? At least they have the decency to wait until October.”

Bucky halfheartedly swatted at him, unable to suppress his smile as Steve finally started making his way to the door. “Come on. You don’t want to see me in a sexy Mrs. Claus outfit on a day to day basis? I thought you loved me.”

Steve scoffed, but still made his way around the couch to kiss him properly. “If I didn't love you I wouldn’t be here. Jerk.”

In spite of the ‘insult’, Bucky could feel himself lighting up all the same. Hopelessly smitten and no longer worried about hiding it or repressing it.

Steve  _ did _ have to leave for his day job, though, and Bucky resigned himself to getting ready himself no matter how much he didn't want to.

“I’ll be home around four or five with dinner,” Steve promised when he was halfway out the door.

“I’ll be waiting,” Bucky said in return, heart full and light as Steve grinned at him before closing the door behind him.

* * *

“I can’t believe you convinced me to fuck you in the Mrs. Claus outfit,” Steve complained.

Bucky’s laugh quickly shifted to a gasp as he grappled at Steve’s shoulders. Gentle with his left hand but he  _ definitely _ left behind some fingernail shaped crescents with his right.

He hadn’t been paying too much attention to what dick Steve was wearing--had put on  _ before they even started shooting _ fucking Christ--but that first press in was all he needed to know that it was bigger than the one he’d been using for photos.

There were days when they were soft, worshipful of each other. Where Steve fucked as gently as he kissed even to this day.

Today Bucky was pretty sure Steve had come home from classes fully intending on turning Bucky inside out until his fake lashes were stuck to his cheeks.

It wouldn’t take much. Steve already knew that he got Bucky going just by being in the same room, and it was something he didn't hesitate to use to his advantage. His praise had been absolutely  _ filthy _ from the first click of the camera and Bucky had pretty much turned to jelly immediately all while a self-satisfied smirk curled Steve’s lips.

“You think I’m pretty in it,” Bucky managed to get out, legs hiked up around Steve’s hips. The sheer red gown pooled around his waist and it was probably now ruined by lube.

At least he’d gotten it for twenty bucks in January when the Christmas stuff went on clearance. He’d still try his best to clean it afterwards, but he wouldn’t be too upset if it was a write-off.

Steve clicked his tongue, shoving further into Bucky with a muffled groan. Jesus, how big  _ was _ this one? “Sweetheart you look pretty all the time. That doesn’t mean anything special.”

He still grinned, finally setting a palm flat over Steve’s chest, able to feel the steady thump of his heart. Now unable to feel the faint ridge of scarring beneath his chest. “Any kinda praise from you is special to me,” he said softly, as if it was some kind of secret.

Any kind of mask of put-on-ness slipped away, revealing the soft sap Bucky knew Steve was at the core of him. Warm blue eyes, the barest hint of a smile on his lips… His cheeks and throat were already gorgeously flushed and Bucky wanted to devour him completely.

Nothing was stopping him from that.

It was hard to lean up and get his mouth on Steve, attaching himself to the underside of his jaw and lapping at his pulse there. The salt of his skin was heaven to him, though the sharp jerk of Steve’s hips into him almost knocked him right back off.

Steve groaned, cradling the back of Bucky’s head while bracing himself against the mattress. “Jesus sweetheart you’re killing me.”

Bucky hummed in agreement, clenching down on Steve’s cock while trying to rock himself further down onto it. He sunk his teeth into the hinge of Steve’s jaw, not caring if he left a mark that his students would see.

Honestly he’d love it if everyone knew that this man belonged to someone.

He let himself float on sensation, on the heat of Steve’s hands and the wetness of his mouth and the stretch around his cock. The way his fingers were still so careful as they brushed Bucky’s hair off his forehead even though the sound of their hips slapping together was anything  _ but _ gentle.

Bucky was half convinced that he might die without it now that he knew what it was like to have Steve in his bed. In  _ their _ bed.

God he was so gone over Steve it wasn’t even funny. Still pining after him like that first day but now he knew Steve felt the same about him.

“I love you,” he murmured, pressing the words into Steve’s skin. Holding tighter to his shoulders, reaching down to grasp his ass and urge him in  _ further _ until he was moaning from it.

“Love you too,” Steve answered, kissing the corner of Bucky’s mouth. Urging him to tip his head so he could kiss him properly.

And, Christ. Christ he was lost. The sharpness of his teeth against his lips was all it took for Bucky to cum, stars bursting behind his eyes and heat spreading rapidly through his entire being.

Belatedly he realized the mess he made of his costume. He still couldn’t bring himself to care yet.

Steve’s thrusts were haphazard, determined to keep fucking Bucky through it but obviously close himself.

“There you go, honey, take it,” Bucky encouraged even as the oversensitivity had him whining out the words.

Steve gasped sharply, wetly as he buried his face in Bucky’s shoulders. Tremors wracked through him as his hips jerked messily until he finally stopped, halfway into Bucky’s still-willing body.

Finally, finally, Steve seemed to relax, picking himself up just enough so that he could meet Bucky’s eye.

God he looked so sweet. So adoring that Bucky couldn’t help but blush as he lifted himself up for a quick kiss before Steve inevitably pulled away to clean up.

“Really love you,” Steve repeated, tenderly brushing the few loose waves back behind Bucky’s ear. Gingerly avoiding the slightly-new piercings in his ears.

How the hell had Bucky ever confused this with a simple crush he could will away? “Really love you too, gorgeous.”

Steve’s huff of amusement warmed his skin, as did the quick kiss to his cheek before getting up and out of Bucky for the night.

Later, after they were both scrubbed clean and had freed Alpine from the bathroom, they would curl up in bed together, Steve trying his damndest to be the big spoon, and Bucky would think of the ring hidden among his jewelry collection.

Maybe he would propose tomorrow. Soon, though. He promised himself that much if nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all they wrote <3 I had a really good time writing this, and I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did. Thanks for all your loving comments and such; I appreciate you all so much


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